I hate myself so much.?

I really do. I inherited my stupid dads side of the family. Frizzy hair...I can never brush it dry or else it becomes an Afro..., big boobs, bad metabolism. I'm not fat but I'm not skinny. I was anorexic last year. I cut. I purposely fractured my wrist last year. I have suicidal thoughts all the time. I'm an only child and I dislike my parents. My mom always tells me I can't eat this or that or else I'm gonna end up like my fat aunt. My brain reads that as "alright time to be anorexic again." They tell me I should wear makeup and get my eyebrows waxed. Once my mom kept me home from a concert because I refused to wear my hair down.

She tells me I can't wear strapless dresses or sleeveless ones because of my boobs. They aren't ginormous but yes they are bigger than most 15 year old girls. She wants to take me To a specialist to get a bra. I told her I already know my bra size and I'm all good thank you very much and please respect my feelings.

I look in the mirror and see a butt ugly girl. I hate myself... Sometimes I cry about it...alone...In the dark