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? asked in HealthMental Health · 8 years ago

Why should I bother living anymore?

17 year old male here. I'm depressed, been in a pretty bad state of mind for the last few months. I was always firm in my decision that I'd never commit suicide because of the pain it'd cause those around me.

But the thing is, I'm good at nothing. I'm smart and want to make people happy, those are literally my only good qualities. I was going to go to medical school to become a neurologist. But lately I can't even work up the dedication to get up and walk out the door to go to school. I've been to school about 10-15 times in the last 4 months, and I'm really falling behind. I just can't do it.

I never had any opportunities growing up. We're lower class, could never afford any sports or lessons. My mom always just managed to scrape by. I'm surrounded by people who are on sports teams, play instruments, are wonderful swimmers and skaters and dancer, and I have nothing. I have no solace. Nothing makes me happy, The only channels I have to distract me from just basking in these corrosive thoughts are my girlfriend and video games.

I have no family doctor, haven't been to a doctor in like 6 years. Couldn't just walk in and tell a doctor anyway. I just couldn't do something like that. I first told my girlfriend. She said she was "going to get me help" and that she was "going to get me through this" and find me a doctor and she kept trying to convince me that things would get better. She just kind of said that to reassure me though, she didn't actually do anything (which I'm not upset about, I'm just not going to talk to her about this). I tried talking to my mom, told her I was depressed. She told me because she heard me on skype laughing with a friend playing games, that she knew I wasn't depressed. She always just yells at me for not going to school and I hate myself. I told the closest person I have to a best friend, and he just told me I'm "bored". And that I need to just man the f**** up. I can't do it. I'm pathetic.

I reached out to the three closest people to me in my life and they all kind of snubbed me. I'm sick of reaching out. I'm good at nothing, and the only reason I have to not die is to avoid hurting my friends and family. I have a reason to not die, but I have no reason to live. I have nothing special to offer humanity. I have no special talents or skills. I have no solace, nothing I'm good at. I tried learning guitar. My girlfriend plays and she's got perfect pitch and is a musical genius. She talks about how bad the kids in her violin class are behind their back. She'd never hurt their feelings, but she judges them and I couldn't take that. I can't do it. Every time I try to pick up something my mind wanders back to the fact that I'm untalented, have no skills, and will never go anywhere in my endeavours. The only real shot I had was as a doctor, but that's not enough for me. I couldn't spend all those years in med school hating myself and thinking about death to do the same job some other intellectual is perfectly capable of.

It's selfish of me to talk about this. I know this. But I was thinking, if I moved far away, and broke communications with these people, they could think I'm just happily busy with my life in a different country. I could kill myself and they wouldn't know and they wouldn't have to deal with the pain of that, just missing me because I'm far away. If I were to do it, I'd volunteer a lot beforehand and save up all of my money, giving some to clear my parents debt and the rest to Free the Children. They actually have tragic lives and I wouldn't leave without trying to make them better.

I don't know. Just a thought. Why should I live? I don't want to devote my life to searching for happiness. That's miserable in and of itself.

Update:

My mother raised me to accept all beliefs and choose my own. I'm not religious, this is of my own choice and please don't bring religion into this. I'm not trying to slander any of your beliefs, but religion is not the answer I'm looking for.

9 Answers

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  • 8 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    Pray. Seriously, no one to talk to? Talk to god. Go find a beautiful place, on a mountain? A grassy hill, with a beautiful view, and just let it all out to god. Hes the only one who will be able to help you. No one loves you, more than he loves you. Everyone, everyone has some sort of talent. Whether its cooking, baking, sports, art, music, photography... i mean... ANYTHING. You could write a book... helping others with depression. You could reach out to those in need. Look, God has a special gift for everyone. You just have to find God first, and you have to trust Him. Then, he will help you.

  • Anonymous
    8 years ago

    People have all kinds of reasons for living... Finding a reason to live os half the journey; a journey u need to take by trying different ways of living and keep trying new things until uv made some sense of the world... Visit blackdogtribe.com for online support.. Also if ur selfesteem is very low right now. U need to find ways to improve it, look online for tips. Also try learning and doing new things; start small and this will give u a sense of achievement. .. Visit yourlifeyourvoice.org to talk to a free online councellor.. Look up exercise and depression online it releases endorfins which improve mood and brain chemistry. and Art Therapy; channelling what ur feeling into something creative helps ur brain process the negativity in ur head: a good technique is to doodle when thinking about the things that depress u, doodling brings ur thoughts into the present and stops u dwelling on the things that depress u. also find some volunteer work; helping others or nature builds selfesteem, gives life new meaning gives perspective and good karma... u dont have to believe in god but finding some spirituality can really help and good karma is a good start... basically research all u can on depression then when u find things that help come on here and share with the other deprrssed people, more good karma. Why not join clubs groups and activities in ur community where you ll meet like minded people. Or challenge urself by joining groups u wouldnt normally be interested in.  good luck and dont be afraid of going to ur doctor, be totally honest and they ll understand and be able to help; medication or a change of medication can work wonders, like lifting a weight from ur shoulders. Remember that the best form of suicide is to kill ur old life and build a new one, change everything

  • Anonymous
    8 years ago

    Look, you are 17 years old. Do you know how long it took Alan Rickman to become a world famous actor, recognized as brilliant world-wide? 40. 40 years of self doubt, of wondering if he was doing it right, if he was a fool and should just give up, but he made it.

    At your age, you don't have to be brilliant at anything. You can choose to learn anything, do anything. If you don't want to be a doctor, don't! You don't have to be man, there's a million other things you could try. I don't know if you like animals, but what I would recommend is, if you do, go volunteer at a local shelter and help the animals, or maybe take in a foster. I've felt trapped in my job for four years, I can't escape it, I hate it and at that job I feel like a failure, like I've wasted my life. But then I come home to my dogs, and my cats, who wouldn't be here if I hadn't adopted them and taken them from the pound and take care of them, and I realize that that little piece of the world, however small, is better because they are still in it and because I helped them.

    If you don't like animals, maybe volunteer at a local school or library to read to the kids? There are many people in this world who need help, and you are obviously smart man, you could be that person who helps them learn to read, opens their mind to a whole new world.

    You have to find something that makes you feel like you matter. For every person that is different, but don't give up. I think your family does not realize how serious your depression is. If you cannot get help from them, ask some school buddies, or even a couselor at your school (don't feel awkward, they are paid to deal with this and they can help you!).

    Sometimes when I am really really upset, I log into an MMO and talk to my guildies for a while. You'd be surprised how much just being around other people can help (even if it's virtual). Maybe try that? If not, go to a place (like a bookstore or library) and try to strike up a conversation with people about something you like. If you don't know what you like, try something new, and just keep trying till you find something you like, that will give you a jumping off point to start conversations with others.

    Don't give up on yourself, you are smart. You are capable I can tell that just from how you type. You are so smart that you throw your own image up against the world and ask big questions at an age when most kids just get drunk and party.

    [Edit] Also, I wanted to add that your Mom is thinking from a place of adulthood, way past your age. To her, all the stuff from her teenage years probably seems like small problems and not a big deal. This is a common misconception that adults carry, they forget what it was like to be a teen. I'd try talking with her again, even show her this yahoo answers page. If you can't get help from her then try school counselors or a real doctor (you should not be scared or feel awkward, just tell yourself that they see this all the time, and that they are prepared to deal with it).

    Good luck to you, don't give up on yourself.

  • 8 years ago

    I think you are right on you being depressed. It's best to go to a doctor and find out, even if you don't want to go to one, do you really want to continue living like this? Your only option is to go with your girlfriend to seek a therapist or psychiatrist. Talking definitely helps. About your friend saying you are just 'bored', I think he means you've just been having a lack of motivation lately. Think of it this way, if you want your life to be better and to find your purpose here, then you're going to have to get up and do something about it. For all we know you could be a really good neurologist or really good at guitar, but it just takes practice and hardwork first. Your girlfriends a 'musical genius' because she practiced a lot, and put dedication into it. Ask her if she can help teach you on guitar, it'll distract you from the depression and the feeling of 'no reason to live'. I put that in quotes because I think everyone does have a reason to live, but like I said, you're gonna have to put some work into it and find out. If you want to be a neurologist, work for it and it will become your reason to live and your purpose. No, moving away from your family isn't going to help this situation. They would find out whether or not you took your life because they'll probably try to communicate with you. The point is, everyone feels as if they have no purpose or talents, even I do. But you develop them, and that's how everyone starts off their talent or hobby. You're 17, think of it this way: If you become a doctor and dedicate yourself to it, then you'll be successful and will be able to pay for all those lessons and sports that you've always wanted to try. I know you do have a purpose here, and you should be alive to see it.

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  • 8 years ago

    Dude couldn't read all that cuz it was a lot of bitchin but can't skip school your almost done u got a good girl obviously and really sounds like there's no problem besides lookin down on yourself you stupid **** have u ever heard of skitguys.com that might cheer u up make sure u keep up with hygiene get some cologne too and take your girlfriend to a good resteraunt but not to the ******* movies after or try a picnick make sure she knows u put some thought into it go fishin and spend time with her take her to hobby lobby and buy her something shel like doing with you stuffs pretty cheap and learn tae kwon do so you can protect her very important live life man and texas is where it's at Hell yea lol u said you were pathetic haha so exactly wat u say was wrong with you when you told your girlfriend u need to man up... And make sure she knows u have run your fingers through her hair on the top of her head make a fist and pull up kiss her or go to kiss her then kiss her cheek walk up behind her and put your arms around her and always do little thing that show u care

  • 8 years ago

    I'm like you but with a doctor and without a girlfriend. I'd trade mine for the other any time.

    To be honest I have looked at suicide as an objective solution several times.

    I hate my life, my friends, my family, myself.

    It sucks but I look forward to my future as some sort of doctor and just keep going to school, doing homework, and faking injuries so I can stay on the rugby team without actually getting injured.

    Netflix helps a lot.

    Good luck to you man.

    Source(s): I wish I believed in God so I'd have someone to blame or suck up to rather than having to actually deal with problems myself.
  • Anonymous
    8 years ago

    we all have our burdens and troubles, you are no different, no easy way out, sorry, you have to live with the rest of us and make the world a better place, skip med school until later if at all, focus on what you want to do what you like, don't struggle with things beyond your control.

    All you have to do is believe, not so hard, and we've all been through this, but, God is the only answer, just believe and things will fall into place, if you don't, things will be very hard without God. We all know this. The whole world knows this, no need for organized religions, God is simple, kind and loving. that's all. no preaching.

    Sometimes you do have to get out of difficult situations and change your life to have a better future, no one can live in negativity all the time, too hard to be around , So smile , be happy. God loves you.

  • 8 years ago

    Being depressed is very common. I've been depressed I got over it . It is going to get better soon

    Source(s): Personal source
  • 8 years ago

    Get to know god,, really,,

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