Is This a Serious Problem?

I'm "torturing" myself. I used to reread my text messages. The fights. Not the happy part but the bad parts. Where I was called a *****. Where I was unfriended. Where people were mean to me. I noticed a major problem, and I delete my conversations now when I get sad or hurt or angry (which usually leads to sadness and hurt).

I stopped rereading messages that way. I stopped "torturing" myself.

But I still do things. Like I want something BADLY, but maybe the other person has another option. I don't try to persuade them to do what I want. I'll just give them what they want.

Not like a pushover. Well, okay, my friend has called me a doormat before, but that's not the point. I mean, it's like I'm dating a guy, and a girl likes him, and he slightly has an attraction toward her. He's a good boyfriend, and he's talking to me about it. I would tell him to date her. I could be madly in love with him, and every word I'm saying is breaking my heart and maybe even making me cry, but I won't tell him how much it hurts nor how much I want him to ignore my words. In fact, I'll argue FOR the other girl.

But what really scares me...is...I kind of like it. It makes me sad and in pain, but it pleases some part of me...

What is wrong with me?