My boyfriend wants me to get an abortion but I want to keep it.?

Question

I'm in my late 20's and my boyfriend is in his mid 20's... We found out a few weeks ago that I was pregnant and without a doubt I considered keeping the baby because having an abortion isn't an option for me... it never was! My boyfriend on the other hand wants me to terminate my pregnancy because of multiple reasons mainly because of our current situation (tell you all about it in a min) and because he's not ready to become a father.

Reason 1:
We've been together for 2 years and there is no doubt in my heart that this is the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. He's Indian and I'm from another part of Asia, as most people know Indian culture are very strict when it comes to relationship and marriage and they like to keep in within their community. So with that being said, his parents have no idea about my existence BUT we've made future plans already and we were suppose to introduce the idea of US to them this year. Unfortunately I fell pregnant first which makes our current situation 1000x worse. We knew that it was going to be hell when he tells his parents about me but telling them that his has a NON INDIAN GIRLFRIEND that is also PREGNANT is a double whammy stab in the heart and beyond for them. It was hard for us at first to begin this relationship but we've spoken about it and he's chosen to risk loosing his family over me but I don't want that to happen because If I'll always be here to support him and help him make amends with his family, knowing that it might be a long process if they don't accept me.

Reason 2:
He's 25 and he feels though he's not ready to be a father. He say's he's not mentally emotionally and financially fit to have a baby. He's reason are all Logic! He wants to plan for our future and have everything prepared before we begin our family. He wants to get married first then have kids which is ideal for most couples and I understand where he is coming from... I do, but I can't have this abortion because it's against who I am as a person, morally and my against my beliefs. I strongly believe that having an abortion is murder and an act of killing a child. I know that we can make this work... yes it'll be a struggle at first but eventually we'll be ok. He thinks it's going to ruin our lives and he wont accept it, he believes that we'll be Ok after an abortion and that time will heal this but he doesn't understand that even though it was unplanned I'm already inlove with this child that's growing inside me, I've grown over protective and i already feel attached to it (I know it sounds weird but I just do). He believes that it doesn't deserve to be called a child yet because it's not fully formed, it doesn't have a mind of it's own to think, talk or have LOGIC. He doesn't get that this is part of who I am... It's what I believe in, my morals and without them who would I be? Yes, I have logic and rationality too but if he takes this away from me then who would I be as a person. A person without morals and any beliefs... I'd be nothing and he's expecting me to love him after getting an abortion. I don't think so!!! It's easy for him to say this because he doesn't believe that's its murder, he doesn't believe that it's wrong to have an abortion. He believes that an abortion is the right thing to do for the sake of our future????? (which seems dull to me atm)

He doesn't want to leave but he thinks by having this child is putting everything at risk for us. It's just going to add to the burdens we already carry... His family, career, our future plans, our health and well beings. He really believes that this child will ruin everything including our lives but I don't think it will. I believe that if you have the will power to make things work then it will happen. If only he changes his attitude towards this baby and accept it then we can finally start to provide a healthy and steady environment for our child but he refuses too... because he is simply not ready.

ryanmoncrief · Accepted Answer

It sounds like you already know what you want to do, keep your baby. In guy translation: he wanted his cake and wanted to eat it too. He wanted to screw around with you and ignore any consequences. Honestly, he sounds like a piece of garbage that you are blinded by. The fact you have been together 2 years and he still hasn't introduced you to his family, that's crap. I understand it would have been awkward and they wouldn't have been happy and it would have been a bad couple of months between them, but eventually, time tells all. And if they saw that you made him happy, ultimately that's all they would care about. And on top of that, the minute that baby is born and his parents saw it, they wouldn't care if it was Indian or not. It is truly magical what a baby can do to your family. My wife's family hated me (I'm quite a bit older than her) but the minute we had out first baby, it was amazing how all the animosity and resentment melted away. Indians are also religious, I'm sure his parents would be mortified if they knew he got his girlfriend pregnant and then made her have an abortion because he didn't have the balls to deal with it. 

If he was responsible enough to have sex with you (I'm assuming especially with no protection) then he is responsible for the outcome (possible pregnancy). In the end, this might just be a deal breaker between you two. It sounds like his beliefs are very different from yours, beliefs that most would separate over. You already love your baby, and to me, proof that every baby is a BABY from the time of conception is how different every pregnancy can be, even between the same two people. My little girl was strong and very active and even playful when my wife was pregnant with her. My little boy was more subdued. My wife acted very different with each pregnancy. Enjoy this time because it is so short lived and more than likely, you will miss being pregnant once your baby is here. Your boyfriend is just scared and selfish, he has given you very selfish reasons as to why he wants to terminate: don't want to go through the grief of telling parents, don't want to mess up MY future plans, going to ruin MY life. And having a baby is so much giving, the absolute most unselfish thing, I believe he isn't ready. But that doesn't mean you aren't. I say; tell him you're keeping it, if he wants to stay, he will, if he is really as much of a selfish scared jerk as he seems, then he will leave. You can handle it on your own, it not ideal by any means, but sometimes, it's better to have no one as a father than the father you have. Do you want your baby growing up with that as an example? Of course, on the other hand, if he can stick out the pregnancy and see that baby, it may absolutely change his whole outlook on life the minute he holds it. Either way, keep your baby. You will be happy you did

Anonymous · Answer

Hi, you sound mature and inteligent so therefore sit and think whats best for you, we can only advice you but the choice is yours, i would say follow your heart, i know your in a difficult situation, ask yourself a few questions! Can you live with knowing you killed your baby? I couldnt and thats why i kept my baby, he's 6 now, i lost my family and my partner as were muslims and pakistani's and its not acceptable at all to get pregnant before marriage, the pakistani culture is so much similar to the indian culture, so i do understand, my ex was pushing me to abort, i was only 18 at the time, just starting my life but i chose to loose everything than kill my baby, its a hard decision to make but i dont regret loosing everything for my child, he's worth it, in the end my family and ex partner lost out, i still had my son, got a job, bought my own house and gave my son a good happy life, we didnt loose out on anything! Well you can say my lost out on a father but does he really need a father like that who wanted him dead? I'm in a happy relationship and have another little girl and i'm also 33weeks pregnant with my 3rd child, you can still work, study, buy a house etc even if you have a baby, yes it will make things a little harder but not impossible! I would suggest your partner be's a man and take responsibilities of his actions and if he cant then you tell him you & your unborn baby are worth more and call it a day! But thats your choice, i understand the culture but his parents are not going to literaly strangle him to death are they? The most they'l do is stop talking to him for a couple of years and then calm down, they may never accept you but they will eventualy warm up to their son! My mums white and dad is a pakistani, my mum was with my dad for 20 years, his family never accepted her but they did accept my dad back in to the family, my grandmother didnt like us as much as she liked our full pakistani cousins! But who cares, i think your partner should introduce you to the family sooner or atleast tell his parents about you sooner! Atleast then you two can decide where to take things after knowing the parents reaction! You can still build a future with a baby, just imagine if you do abort the baby and he tells his parents about you and they still refuse to accept you and give him an ultimatum that he chooses you or them and he chooses them! Then what? I believe his parents will preasurise him in to leaving you, and trust me Indians/Pakistani's are great at preasurising their kids and making them feel guilty! Just follow your heart

? · Answer

Follow your heart!

I could and would never have an abortion especially not with a baby conceived to my partner whom I love dearly and who loves me too!
Eventually you will both get used to the idea and adjust accordingly.
You will only hate yourself and possibly him further down the line if you have an abortion.

Good luck in finding your solution :)

Anonymous · Answer

I agree with you , dont have an abortion. I know it sounds so difficult now to have your child but it'll all work out on its own as time goes by. This child will help him realize that he needs to be a responsible adult and it will make him mature. He doesnt know it now but he will love that baby more than anything.

As for his parents yes at first they will be furious, i know indian parents well, but Indian grandparents love their grandchildren so  much, no matter wat.

goldenretrievers · Answer

Abortion is awful. Have the baby and either raise it or put it up for ADOPTION. You would regret abortion a lot

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My boyfriend wants me to get an abortion but I want to keep it.?

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