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Sex offender help/advice needed ASAP?
I want to know what to do here. I went to familywatchdog.com and was looking for local sex offenders. I was curious because a good friend was telling me that this one weird guy who lurks around is a sex offender (had no idea, but I did notice he majorly stares at/creeps on very young children... sick!).
Well, I got one heck of a surprise - my own current "best friend" was listed. They never told me this at all. The conviction was "2907.04 - unlawful sexual conduct w/a minor". Now I know this isn't exactly the best, but are there worse charges it COULD have been? My friend is in their 20s (just like me) and they've never mentioned this to me at all... like EVER. I'm so shocked and want to know full details.
I know they've been known to drink... so is it possible they screwed up while drunk one night? Is it ok for me to still associate myself with them? Will anyone ever find out about this? My family would disown me for being friends with someone like that probably. They have never acted badly around me. They've always been kind, respectful and really nice. We met by chance and got to talking and ended up exchanging numbers. We have a lot of common interests with music and stuff. They were in the military and are actually very smart (wants to get into school for chemistry and stuff).
Is this truly a bad thing that needs concern? Or could it be that they just did something stupid while drunk? Could they have maybe been "tricked"... like someone lied about their age or something and they thought they were older? They mentioned one time when we talked that "girls can be misleading and appear older than they are". So, could it have been an honest mistake? For a charge like this, do they need to register regularly and what not? How does this even work? Will they ever be "cleared" and not have this horrid label anymore?
I really want to know because 1. They're a friend who I've trusted so much and 2. I'm pretty sure they're considering a real relationship with me (more than friends) because they seem to really care for and like me a lot (they've made subtle hints/comments about being interested in dating several times). We even have shared a couple kisses.
If they do want to be more than friends, after knowing this... should I say yes? Would I run into problems because I'm with them? We are both legal adults, just I've never had run in's with the law at any point.
I've heard that they are very "picky" with stuff like this and will basically slap you with "sex offender" labels over the least little thing. Is this true? I know there are different "types" as well. Like tiers... but there was no tier listed. It just had details (height/weight, eye color, birth date, name) and what the conviction(s) are(were). The one I named was the only one listed.
So any/all advice would be much appreciated!
Oh and is that site even legit? I remember I looked at a sex offenders list on the local new's website and my friend's name didn't appear at all.
So it's ok? Thank God! I DON'T want to hate him, I really don't. I do like him and care for him. We've become really good friends actually and I really like to spend time with him. I was just afraid of what might happen - like how serious is the charge, are people going to "hate us", etc...
Also, http://www.nsopw.gov/ Had the same info, just a little more detail (where he works, his vehicle, etc...). It noted the victim was a female who was under age. And there was nothing beside "date convicted".
I don't have children. He mentioned being grossed out by people who prey on young children though (like the guy my other friend was discussing - yuck! He was actually charged with full blown rape and STILL freakin checks out little kids. It's GROSS! I hate when I see him. He's so creepy and weird). When I explained about a neighbor who was a sex offender (has since died), my friend said that with sex offenders, the law is really touchy and you can be labeled a sex offender for the tiniest thing, especially if you're a male. And with what he said about girls being "younger than they appear" sometimes, I'm guessing this probably WAS a mistake, and possibly due to drinking.
Final note/question - Will he have to be labeled with such a harsh name ("sex offender") for the rest of his entire life, even if he truly didn't do anything major/wrong? If so, that seems pretty unfair. I mean TRUE predators who go after very young children DO need such harsh names (and actually don't need to be in public any longer), but if this was just a mistake and he didn't mean anything by whatever happened... I feel it's unfair. So will be always have this "label", or will he no longer have to be "Labeled" one after awhile? And can this just be "our little secret", or will others find out? Like I mentioned, most people, as soon as they see "sex offender", they freak and think the person is a rapist or something. I know this isn't always true. But I don't want to deal with terrible things coming from this "problem", so will everyone know, or will it only be if WE say something? How can I get him
I compared to other sex offenders around here. He doesn't seem very "offensive". The one is AWFUL - his is actually listed as (pre awa) sexual predator. So I guess he's pretty dangerous. Another is a "(Pre AWA) Sexually Oriented Offender" and was charged with "Gross Sexual Imposition". The last guy is a younger guy (in his very early 20s) and his is "2907.04 - unlawful sexual conduct w/a minor" like my friend. BUT - there is a little info under "details" - it says "Tier 2 sex offender". My friend doesn't have ANYTHING listed under details (nothing saying he's a predator or a "tier" sex offender). So is that a good sign? How come that other guy had the same charge, yet was listed as a Tier 2 sex offender and my friend was listed as nothing at all? Also, no one had ANYTHING listed for "date convicted", so I guess they chose not to publicly announce that info.
@KittySue That's so unfair and terrible! See, that was my fear about my friend - I don't want us dealing with terrible things because of this "label". I doubt anything really bad happened. I think it was probably a teenager who either lied about their age, baited a trap, or he was drunk and accidentally "felt up" a teenager. He has never caused problems that I know of. He's always been kind, friendly and seemed like an extremely normal guy. I just don't know what to think of this. Are my thoughts true and it's still ok/safe to be with him, or what?
Also, how do I know if this is a "closed case" (as in there's no risk of more punishment), or if there's a risk of him going to jail or something? I haven't heard from him in like 24 hours and that's very unlike him. After knowing this, that's scary. I'd hate for something to have happened. I really want what @Tyler posted here to be true. But I don't know! I had no idea about any of this. I'm just scared now that he'll be "permanently" labeled this when nothing truly bad happened and that it was all just an innocent mistake.
See, I want to know straight from him BUT 1. How do I approach it? I feel weird about just being like "so... I hear you're on the local sex offender's list... what's the deal with that"? I want HIM to approach ME. I thought maybe telling him about the really messed up rapist guy (he seriously creeps EVERYONE out. He just gives off such an uncomfortable vibe). Then see if he'll ease into mentioning anything. If not, I don't know. I don't want to be like "oh, when they checked the list, your name popped up so I want answers". And another big thing - how do I know if he is being truthful with me when we do discuss this? Like how can I know if his story is legit and he is being honest? I know a local cop, but I don't feel right about "investigating" him. I hope he is able to have this terrible label lifted, especially if it only happened once and was a true accident. He is too young to have such a terrible label. He's a good wor
9 Answers
- LadyMarissaLv 78 years agoFavorite Answer
Sweetie...If he's that good of a friend, simply be HONEST & tell him what you saw & ASK him what really happened!!! A good friend of mine is on that registry simply because he was driving down the road near dark on a Friday night & saw a young girl out walking all by herself. He's a father of 6 & his "Dad instincts" kicked in & he stopped to offer her a ride home out of fear that some pervert would abduct her. Well a so-called good citizen saw him talking to her & called the cops claiming he was trying to abduct her. When it went to court, the little girl said she didn't know him & she was scared when he insisted she let him give her a ride. The cops couldn't prove that he did anything wrong & he couldn't prove that he didn't do anything wrong & his attorney suggested he plead guilty to a lesser charge of "contributing to the delinquency of a minor" instead of facing a jury who might believe the little girl had a reason to be scared. He did plead to the lesser charge & the judge even said "I don't think you are a pedophile, but you will be required to register as a sex offender so we can keep an eye on you". Now if you're looking through the sex offender registry, you will find him there. It doesn't say he plead to a lesser charge of contributing. It says he was convicted of contributing. Now, this man has 6 kids of hos own & he wouldn't harm a child, but he's on the sex offender registry for life because he wanted to keep a little girl safe!!!
Here in Georgia, there's a guy sitting in prison for having sex with his wife!!! He was 17 & she was 14 when they wanted to get married. He had the consent of his parents & she had the consent of her Mother & they got married. A year later they had a baby. The local police stuck their nose in it & charged him with statutory rape because his wife was only 14. As crazy a it sounds, as it went through the court system, he was found guilty of having sex with a child (who he was legally married to) & he was sentenced to 10 years in prison & has to register as a sex offender when he gets out. His will read that he had sex with a minor when ALL he did was have sex with his WIFE!!!
I worked with a guy who had forced sex with his grand daughter. He's a very wealthy man. When it went to court, he plead guilty of a lesser charge "contributing to the delinquency of a minor" He had the exact same plea deal as the guy who was trying HELP that little girl & yet he had raped his own flesh & blood!!!
My point...your guy might not have done anything wrong. He might have been in the wrong place at the wrong time!!! Give him the benefit of the doubt. I wouldn't hold it against him that he didn't volunteer the info. Think about it...WHERE in the "I want you to be my gf" do you throw in "Oh by the way, I'm a registered sex offender"??? I would think that would be an automatic deal breaker...I'm sure that in time he would have told you!!!
Tell him you saw something that you know must be a mistake & you really need him to be honest with you. I bet he'll know exactly what you speaking of & tell you the whole story. This day & time sex offenders are our latest witch hunt & he might NOT have done anything so terrible; so, DON'T jump to conclusions!!!
Source(s): Life - KittysueLv 78 years ago
The problem with the sex offender registry is that it's impossible to get the details of the "crime"
A friend's son is listed as a sex offender - unlawful sexual contact with a minor. His crime - when he was 18 and in high school he was caught having sex with his girlfriend of 2 years just a week from her 16th birthday. When he was 17 there was no crime but they happened to get caught in the back of a car at a well known "make out point" and since he had just turned 18 and she was not yet 16, he was charged as a sex offender. This guy has done nothing illegal in his life, has never caused trouble, but for the rest of his life will be branded as a sex offender. He's been beaten by vigilantes who jumped him outside his house, has had "rapist' painted on his house and car, and can't get a job because of this
Nobody reading the site knows that it was a high school boy having sex with his high school girlfriend of 2 years. All they know is that he had sex with a minor and people assume the worst, thinking he must have raped a 10 year old
- ca_surveyorLv 78 years ago
The 'Sex Offender' Label is a tough one to have. It is generally a lifetime assignment and can affect many phases of his life (job, location of home, some civil rights, and of course, social interaction since the information is on a publicly available website.
If your friend is tagged with this his best recourse is to talk to a lawyer about trying to have the conviction either set aside or reduced. But that is HIS business.
as for your concern, it appears time for you to ask him directly. It is something that bothers you and all the research and other peoples opinions are nothing compared to what he has to say about it. Sit down in a public but quiet place and ask. Then patiently listen and make no judgments or comments, finish the evening as you see fit and then go home and think about it. Decide if:
a) He has been truthfull
b) This appears to be a one time thing or a long term problem
c) What impact this will have on you.
and then, the big one.. how (or if) do you want your relationship to continue.?
then act on that decision... Tell him if your decision requires that,.\
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- 8 years ago
I think you are way over thinking this. There is a possibility he had some relations with a person that was 17 years old when he was 18. That is what is currently happening to a friend of mine and its awful that he will have to register as a sex offender for having sex with his girlfriend. It is also possible what you said about the drinking situation. But the best option is to probably talk to him instead of being scared of him. If he did end up being creepy (which you basically described he wasn't) then you could just stop talking to him. He seems to live a normal life and probaly made a little mistake when he was younger
- KiminFLLv 78 years ago
Most sex offenders seem "nice and normal" so don't go by that. You just never really know about people. He may be harmless, who knows,but if you have children I wouldn't let him around them.
- Anonymous8 years ago
You just ask him what happened. He may not have done anything wrong. Maybe they were seventeen. Maybe she never wanted to press charges against him. But maybe her parent found out and they did.
