Bullying in 5th grade. Help!!!?

Question

Guys it may be a little long. My 11 y.o. Called from school on Friday complaining of stomach ache. I picked her up and was trying to figure out why. I thought may be flu or something like that but no other symptoms were present. I was asking her questions and little by little I realized that she was upset about something that transpired at lunch. She didn't bring a fork to eat her salad ( she usually eats cold lunch, meaning brings from home) so she went to get a plastic one. Meanwhile the girl who was sitting next to her grabbed my daughter's banana and put her yucky brown one in a same spot instead

. My daughter realized what happened right away, but instead of confronting the girl she gave her the brown banana back because she didn't want it. The other two girls who were sitting at the table didn't say a word. My daughter was too afraid to say something, so she just kept her mouth shut. As you can imagine she was upset to the point that she had a stomach ache. 

I am livid !!!!!!! I don't care about banana, but the fact that someone can just do this to her and not even ask her like normal people would do is just unbearable to me. These girls never include her in their conversation. They just completely ignore her and its been like that for a long time. They treat her like she is nothing, an empty spot. Now they can't not only ignore her but also take her things without apologizing  or asking.
  My daughter is blond blue eyed sweetie. She is very timid , never makes trouble, not into sports at all and not outgoing at all. She doesn't really have any friends at school. All the years we've been at this school all I heard from every teacher that it is a pleasure to have her in class. 
Two things I forgot to mention , first it's a catholic school, ( thou shall not steal, HA! ) second, my daughter' teacher is a mother of a bully (and both girls are in a same class) who ,as a matter of fact, ,also a blue eyed innocent looking blond. 
What do I do here?! I wanted to email the teacher but my husband said its too late and should be water under the bridge
. I don't know what to do. I don't want to make my daughter situation worse ,at the same time I feel like I have to do something. 
My husband and I had a long conversation with our daughter . We told her to stand up for herself because if she doesn't things will get worse and in high school a lot worse. People need to know that she will not take it and go along. But she is only 11. She says that she will stand up for herself, but she hasn't so far . Little things have been happening here and there but never like this before. She got even more upset after our conversation because she realized why she had a stomach ache and had to leave early. She was mad at that girl but too afraid to confront her. 
Well, knowing all that what do you think my plan of action Should be? Do I just keep it quiet and wait for the next "big" incident ? 
I don't want to overreact either but feel that I have to do something. Please advise!

Dawn · Accepted Answer

Fukc that! Hat's off!  IT"S ON!!!  I'm sorry.  I know how you feel, the same thing happened to my oldest son when he was in 3rd grade.  Write a letter to the teacher, school, etc. and let them know that this incident happened and you will not stand for it happening again.  We call once on accident, twice on purpose.  

You won't have much argument to stand on about the girls ignoring your daughter--so don't bring that up.  The rest of it is that you are going to have to teach your daughter to stand up for yourself.  You can help her--pretend you're one of the mean girls and have your daughter stick up for herself.  Teach her what to say.  Explain to her that bullies only bully because they can get away with it.  Once your daughter gets the hang of defending herself--and making the mean girls look stupid--she'll be alright.  But, it will take a while.  It's unfair that we actually have to teach our kids this but we do.  Also, let your daughter know that YOU'VE GOT HER BACK!!  Make sure she knows that if she gets in trouble you will be right there defending her.  Let her know that YOU WILL TAKE ON the administration at school for failing to come to your daughter's aid so she had to do this.

We did that weekly with my oldest son-he got picked on by 3 boys when he was in 3rd grade.  By the time the fist fight broke out in 5th grade, my son had had enough.  When I got the phone call that Thomas was in trouble for fighting I asked which of the kids did he hit?  Ricky Vaughn or Theo.  The vice principal wanted to know HOW I knew the names.  I told him because those 3 kids had been making my kid's life hell and the school refused to do anything about it.  I made Thomas his favorite meal: filet mignon, baked potato and a salad with an ice cream cake that said, "We're proud of you."  When they gave Thomas detention the following week, I explained that my kid made their school look good (4's on the state exams) so maybe they should give him detention this week instead--they did.

I'm sorry that this is what you have to teach your child.  I don't think you should wait--bullies bully until they get a taste of their own medicine.  Oh, and the kid that my son hit, Ricky?  Last I heard, he's in jail.  DO NOT LET YOUR DAUGHTER THINK THAT SHE CAN'T DEFEND HERSELF.  And if you want, I'll bring my 6th grader to your daughter's school and he can pick on the rotten girls.

amyhpete · Answer

The teacher should not be teaching her own daughter for one thing!!! That's rarely allowed.

Bullying is tough, because it can be really subtle and the girl bullies can be sneaky. You can come off like you're raising hell (LOL - Catholic) and suing the school over a banana if you say anything. Your daughter could maybe use some short-term therapy so a neutral party can help her come up with assertive, rather than aggressive, strategies in dealing with other kids, and using her blonde presence to her advantage to gain respect in school.

Don't email the teacher. If something else happens, go straight to the principal. She may send you back to the teacher if it's a classroom issue, but at least she (or he) will know it's a problem.

AmberP · Answer

I too have an 11 year old daughter in 5th grade. It is a very touchy age for some of them. 

She has been the victim of bullying as well. It has been brought up to the teachers and even the principal. This "bully" has a habit, same as your bully, of stealing other kids' food, even out of their lockers. 

After bringing it up with the teacher about 5 times, he decided to go out to the hallway a few seconds after said bully wanted to get up and go to the bathroom. He suspected this was when she was taking things. He caught her doing it and she was sent to the principal's office and was given detention for it...and she still does it. They have caught her doing it quite a few times, either she doesn't get the fact that she shouldn't do it, or her parents simply do not care. 

I would mention it to the teacher. Tell your daughter that she has every right to walk back, take her own banana back and give the student back her own banana, tell her she has the right to tell the teachers about it, and even to report her to the principal. If she does not want to do these things then you should. 

It is not water under the bridge, it is something that is happening and no one is doing anything about it and if it continues it is only going to get worse because...she can get away with it and knows that she can.

demster · Answer

i've got consistently had a bully situation, and that i'm your brother's age now. there is a few thing i've got consistently needed to objective, yet i don't have a digital camera...tell your brother to pass to, say, the wellness club room for a undeniable, one-man or woman assembly at 2pm. Then, tell bully boy that there is ask your self game tryouts at 2pm, and that they decide to objective him out. ultimately, verify you're there at a million:30pm, with a suited hiding place and a loaded digital camera. (you may substitute the timings so no person else would be in.) whilst they stumble upon, make confident the door's locked, then action picture bully boy insulting your brother, then wait til their long gone and sneak out. coach the photos to the first. that is foolproof!

Salt and Peppy · Answer

Go over the teacher's head, straight to the principal.  Or even higher.  Bullying is a serious thing, and it should be nipped in the bud right away!

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Bullying in 5th grade. Help!!!?

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