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I'm having trouble getting a girlfriend and I am very lonely and lost.?
I'm 16 and I live in a small school of about 200 and I have trouble talking to people in particular girls, I start to sweat and I just freeze and just feel plain out terrified, I can sometimes talk to girls, but only if I am around friends and even then I have trouble talking to girls (I don't know what to say). It feels like a curse, it makes me so lonely and I feel misunderstood. I'm kind, I'm not a straight A student, but I'm not stupid, I'm considerate of others , I'm 5'8 I don't do any drugs,and I'm always trying to be a gentleman at school (if they drop something I'll pick it up for them or they leave something behind I'll run and get it for them), but it feels like I can never talk to girls and it scares me because it makes me feel like I'll be alone forever. I have never had a girlfriend but I have tried to get one if felt like the hardest thing I've ever done in my whole entire life. She is the most beautiful girl I've ever laid eyes on. She is kind, sweet, and her smile always makes me happy. I didn't know what to do though, so I might of over done it. I wrote her poem that took hours to wright because I wanted her to feel special, but she told me she wanted to be friends and that she was sorry, and I told her it was okay. Ever since then I have felt conflicted and my heart was broken because I want to like her more than a friend but I want to respect her wishes so I've never tried again. I just wish I could reset my life and start over. I sit almost every night wishing there was someone who liked me and I cant do anything about it even if they did because I feel like they wouldn't understand what is wrong with me, and I also wouldn't want to put them through all that.
I just don't know what to do. I think I understated my fear. If I saw a girl that I liked other than the girl I stated before I feel like my heart is about to explode out of my chest because if I talk to a girl even when I feel almost comfortable they just completely ignore me. I do everything I can in my power to make someone happy and they just use me " Can you sharpen My pencil" they say, and I do it for them and they don't even care no one ever talks to me at all unless they want something... I know I'm only 16 and that I have a lot of years to find someone, but I just don't have anyone I can rely on for help I just can't explain how much pain I feel and its not just because one girl, its the fact that I am unable to tell someone how I feel so that maybe they would understand what I'm going through and help me. I feel like nothing in the world ever goes right for me. I have insomnia to the point where i get less than 5 hours of sleep everyday and all I can do when I'm awake is think about how lonely I am, I just wish there was somebody that I could be for at there saddest, there shoulder to cry on, someone I could share my deepest darkest secrets to, Someone I could call soul mate. My parents are never there for me when I need them they just think I'm exaggerating, but I need help. I just want out of this pain, the dark and lonely void filled with loneliness and despair. I need a girl's point of view on what I should do please...
I wouldn't want to be clingy I just wish I could have somebody to be there for.
I'm fun I just forgot to mention that part I wish I could explain myself a little better but I do a lot of things other than mope all day, I act happy but I just can't talk to girls that much no matter how much I want to it just seems very difficult to talk to girls and keep eye contact, and I'm just scared for my futures sake.
I am really touched how much you people care I know I'm not fully developed, but it seems like I have a more higher understanding the way I've been raised and I don't really think of the things people of my age do, but I look at something and always see how It can affect me later and I might be to cautious though, and that might be why I have trouble in life, just like how Siddhartha a Buddhist I learned about in History class he discovered a middle path to how to live life meaning that they should go towards the path of enlightenment but not focus on that as much but rather find a median and live life. Don't get me wrong I am far from a Buddhist but I was just giving an example how I should live life.
As for the girl I was talking about I didn't give her enough credit to do her justice, she was the only girl that wouldn't use me, she cared for me and I felt like I could actually talk to her without being scared but. she felt like someone I could relate to because of all of her hardships, and I wanted to help her I just didn't know how, she would always tell me that I should stick up for myself more and It felt like she really cared and when she moved away for a year I was worried that she might move again so I didn't take my time to explain how I felt, and I might have scared her off and by might I did.
She didn't even start talking to me again till she thought I was over her and so did I but I soon realized that I was wrong and I still had feelings, but I knew she wanted to be friends and I tried to hide it, but then all of a sudden I started getting nervous talking to her, and I felt like I had lost everything, so that is why...
16 Answers
- 8 years agoFavorite Answer
i can relate to you in almost every problem you have, and from what i gather, there's nothing wrong with your personality. But there is a problem with how you portray yourself to others. Here's thing i changed about myself that you can consider changing aswell.
1) If you're the nice_guy gentleman, people will walk all over you. That's just how the world is. i'm not saying you should act like a douche, but tone it down with the favors. Open the door for the ladies, but don't be so eager to chase people to return a pencil( in fact, don't do it at all). I know you're just trying to help, but to other people it might make them feel uncomfortble (i know i probably would if a stranger did that for me)
2) You need to work on your social skills, and if your school is about 200 students, i'm gonna guess you're in a small town. And that's a difficult environment to try and be social if you have a rep of bieng the shy guy. Change that immediatly. Make small talk, say hi to your friends or people you know, and ask how they feel about the class, or something related to school. Some may not want to talk, but some might. And if you do end up initiating a conversation with ANYONE, don't just stop talking to them. Say hi again the next day, and if they say hi and even try to start a conversation, keep it going.
3) Another factor might be your physical appearance. For me, i had acne and had a mid section that was a tad flubbery. I wasn't fat, not even chubby, but i didn't like it so i changed it. I eat better and i work out at the gym, and i run 3 times a week. now i don't mean you have to go out and kill yourself every day working out, but try and be active in things that keep you fit, like biking or jogging, if you have a problem with your appearance. If you do, get a good 45 minutes to an hour of exersize in every day, doesn't matter what kind, as long as it works
Another thing... Bro you're 16. you don't need to worry about a soul mate till college, if that. And if you see a girl you fall for, don't get excited and think of all these scenarios of what might be. Take a deep breath, confidently and calmly approach her if you can, and start off with a "hello." The type of bond you want takes time. So don't go rushing in pouring out your feelings. Keep it slow and steady and gradually build a trust where you each can share secrets
Anyway, that's all i got. you got any other questions, just write me up. Peace
Source(s): I've been there - Anonymous5 years ago
You'll be fine. Listen to me man. You can win her back. You need to stop caring so much. Go to Google and search how to be a bad boy. Girls love bad boys. Girls just love guys who they feel safe around and who aren't overly emotional. Just look up some stuff on attracting girls. Don't take anything too seriously because if you strike out with a girl, there's always another girl out there who's even better.
- DeborahLv 45 years ago
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- 5 years ago
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- 8 years ago
Holy crap, are you sure your not my twin? but jokes aside, and from understanding that exact position, I'll say this, life is to short to worry about what would happen if you did ask a girl, blah blah blah, but If you want it, don;t wait for it as it will never come, take life by the reins and do it. If you get rejected, your very right it sucks (Expert at that too) its all a learning experience. Figure out what went wrong, what you could do better. Don't let yourself feel down. There is always someone there for you, even if you don't find her now. You got good qualities in your character, very polite, and a gentlemen. Just don't forget your fun side either. And if you still like her, bring it up again. Tell her how much she means to you, and that you would be ecstatic to have a chance. Just be yourself, never wear a mask as it makes you look fake. Hope I helped you
Source(s): Been in the same situation before - 8 years ago
Okay, let me start by saying, your mood comes of as very dark/depressing I don't know if your this way at school but even a hint of it will make people feel weird. You need to start looking on the brightside. At 16 everyone is basically on there own, people are looking out for themselves. Don't let people take from you, don't let them use you. You can't make girls like you but I'll tell yah this girls like confidence, it's the first thing they notice. You may not have confidence but fake it. You should have a chat with your parents about how you feel and remember teen years are just a dent in the rest of your life.....ps. You will find someone:)
- 8 years ago
I'm a girl, but I agree with the answer of the guy that posted ahead of me. Truthfully, I think that high school years are not where great relationships generally happen anyway. Most intense relationships won't happen until college when you are more self aware and confident and mature and intelligent. The kindness you show is something you shouldn't change. However, you also can't be too needy or a push-over. My boyfriend now is sometimes a little needy. I explain to him that our relationship is more complete and interesting when we have experiences with our other friends because then we each are happier and more complete people. He gets it. He has fun too. I think he is a lot like you. I think he wants to please and he wants to be happy and committed and settled. I think there are so many more guys just like you in the world. Don't ever feel alone!! And if it makes you feel better, when I was younger (in high school) I would turn beat red whenever a boy I liked even looked at it. Then I would turn brighter red just knowing my face was red. It was a bad feeling. I outgrew it. I have zero problems talking to guys now. You will get there. I know it! It breaks my heart to think of how much you are agonizing over this. If you really truly have anxiety or something, try talking to your school counselor or an outside counselor to work on improving techniques to get over the fear. Good luck!
Source(s): I'm a lady - 8 years ago
I'm a girl, i had the same problem throughout middle school, i was lonely, i have some health issues, like social anxiety you may have that, if you dont like talking to people, i was really shy to, this year i kinda opened up some, you just have to break out your shell, know who your real friends are, do you have any woman friends you can talk to? If not just make some woman friends without freezing :) i know its hard not to, but maybe this is the year , i know some chicks are just ignorant, i'm in classes with them. Try not to worry. You'll have someone eventually, and if they wanna act like that and they don't care unless they want something then don't do it, and if you have any problems with them, just be like i'll go moral combat on you, jkjk. But just calm down it'll all be fine
- 5 years ago
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