How do I stop comparing myself to other people?

Question

I'm 14 years old. My older brother is 19 and he's probably one of the most amazing students to walk the earth, honestly. He's topped his class, grade, school, whatever, multiple times. All the teachers love him, in fact, because we used to go to the same school (until he went off to college last year), half the student body and practically the whole of the staff know me as 'Milo's little sister'. He got into every college he applied to. He's also great and basketball and badminton. Me, on the other hand - I'm just a regular average student, sometimes even below average when it comes to math. My friends are great students too, their grades are always higher than mine. I'm not a BAD student either and I'm good at languages, especially English - my language teachers are probably the only people who know me, like really know me. But it doesn't make me feel any better, because my bro was great at language AND everything else. And every time I see my grades I feel depressed because my friends and bro did better. I know I'm good at some things, I'm good at writing, I have a nice voice and I can sing, I'm a good dancer. but every time somebody compliments on those things, I feel great for about ten seconds before I think "Milo/Aria/Adalie coould've done it better," and then I'm back to square one. I'm more interested in 'useless' stuff like mythology and orgone energy than math and science, but those will never get me any 'success' in life and most people don't really care about that sort of thing anyway.
Another thing is my appearance. I mean, I know every girl is self-conscious. My BMI is approx 20.4. According to the site I found it on, that's okay. I think my build/frame is kinda curvy. But I have a tummy and I see girls at school who are perfectly skinny and I feel like a baby elephant or something. My hair is longish and black, but it's seriously rough and refuses to lie flat, I comb it and 15 min later it looks all messy again. Again, I look at other girls at school, with this really smooth, glossy hair and I think, "I look like I've got dead grass sitting on top of my head".  And I went on this ten-day trip, where I took the opportunity to eat about half my typical quantity, even though I knew it would probably make me weaker. And then I got to the point where even if I was hungry and my body was telling me I needed to eat, I couldn't. Like, literally couldn't. I'd lift a spoon to my mouth and have to set it down again because my  mind was screaming at me about calories and stuff, and if I forced myself to eat till I was comfortably full, I'd feel so nauseous I'd skip the next meal. I'd get this weird pleasure out of seeing less food on my plate then on my neighbor's. If I left the cafeteria feeling comfortably full, no matter how less I'd actually eaten, I'd feel guilty, like 'That means I could've eaten less,". I still feel that way, but now's I've got my mom's hawk eye on me, she always thought I don't eat enough and after her trip she think's I'm positively starving myself. She probably has a point. In her opinion I have nothing to worry about, if I try talking to her about how fat I am she says, "You have nothing to worry about, you're gorgeous. Do some more swimming or badminton if you want, but don't do it because you think you're fat, do it because YOU enjoy it." I'm never really convinced because she's my mom and mothers are required to think you're beautiful, it's like part of their job description. She doesn't get that I can't just switch these thoughts off. 

Now I'm sick of this whole thing. I wanna just be happy with who I am for once in my life. I've tried to just stop and it doesn't work, please help!

P.S. - Thanks for reading this through, I realize it's probably very long and twice as boring.

Lee · Accepted Answer

Yes, it's very long and twice as informative. Your concerns are valid. Everyone should self evaluate from time to time. First of all, everyone has their own strengths. Realize also that in the "body of life existence” not everyone can be an eye or a foot (so to speak). Everyone has a special purpose and is suited to it.  Something that is very important in life is caring and compassion and you appear to have loads and loads of that.  Your youth will turn into your twenties, then thirties before you know it, so please try to just enjoy your teens; they do go by much faster than we realize.  It sounds like you do very well in academics and you manage your health. It may help you to see life through another person’s eyes. Try volunteering at shelters, or at camp to be a counselor. Everyone has concerns that they "come up short" somehow.  Caring about whether you measure-up is a good thing. It indicates that you are paying attention to your own development and striving to excel. Accepting your own strengths and weaknesses, once you become aware of them, is something every human being struggles with. Always do your best. No one can ever fault you for that.  Remember that God is your judge not everyone else.  Realize that life goes through cycles. At some point in your life, your brother, whom you see as perfect, may turn to you for advice, reassurance, or help of some kind (and most likely will one day).  Everyone needs help sometimes. Realize that you have a lot to offer. Recognize your strengths and work on your weaknesses.  About the hair, there are a couple of options (1) get a cute cut that works with your type of hair or (2) experiment and get good with styling aids (gel, mouse, etc.). It’s all manageable. Make sure you are getting enough vitamin A, B, C, D, E and Biotin (because these particular vitamins help your mental acuity, quality of skin, hair, and nails) and overall health.  You will learn as you grow up not to take absolutely everything so painfully serious.  Some things are indeed more important than others. For now, focus your efforrts primarily on school and health and TRUST your loving mother’s guidance. A good mother wants what is best for her children - always.  Your mom clearly wants what is best for you. Now, about it being her "job"...  the plain truth is that some mothers are not good mothers. Believe me, it is not her job to love you or to be kind and encouraging to you. It is her own personal choice.  Some mothers don’t love their children like they should and don’t care to do a good job with them. A good, loving mother is a gift straight from God himself.  Now, about comparing yourself to others, here’s my advice:  Every human being is truly unique.  Be yourself. Figure out who that is (it's a processing and takes time).  Do not try to be like everyone else. Don't be a clone. Roll models are good, but don't be a clone.  Choose your roll models carefully.  You are young and you are going through the process (right now) of discovering who you actually are on the inside and what you like. You may be a great writer some day or something entirely different (options abound) … by what I've seen (read) so far, you're a good writer and someone capable of influencing the thoughts, ideas, and opinions of others; note that having good character is very important when you have such a strength. You sound like you have great strength of character. Take care and make your mom proud.

vandevanter · Answer

I think we all go via this at some factor. Many times I get fairly insecure when I see a beautiful lady however then I believe that i will not ever be her so why bother evaluating myself? I'm who i am-take it or go away it. There'll invariably be humans in life which have the simpler job, appear higher and so forth but you need to accept that. There will even be humans who're less unlucky. Be grateful for what you've gotten. You would have it worse. If your most important crisis is your weight, go to that health club and work tough to get the exceptional physique that you could get. It is going to offer you a massive self belief improve and it is going to think just right to achieve anything. And your bf is with you. If he desired these other girls-he would be with those other girls! =] I used to think that approach until I found a guy who instructed me how fortunate he was once to have me and normally tells me how attractive i am.

Nicole · Answer

Don't a give a damn about anyone. Look good and stay happy.

Anonymous · Answer

Once you love yourself more you may not want to compare yourself to other people as much:

http://www.wikihow.com/Develop-Self-Esteem

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How do I stop comparing myself to other people?

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