How can I help my children get through a tough divorce and a Step-mother?

So....in the middle of a divorce, their mom decided to abandon them and run off to France? And then you turn around and marry an obviously immature brat? (based on some of the comments she made). And you wonder why there are problems? The answer is obvious. Both you and your ex-wife are putting your kids second right now, and that never ends well. Did either of you stop to think about the needs of your children before being so selfish? A divorce, if handled correctly, is very survivable. If not handled correctly, it can leave permanent damage. Guess which side you're on?

I don't doubt that you love them, but you and your ex don't get an unlimited number of chances to screw things up. Right now your kids are acting like brats, but it's probably to get attention. The message here is they shouldn't have to beg for attention in the first place.

I also don't doubt that you truly want a bonded, healthy relationship with them. But this comes about only when parents put their kids' needs FIRST in all major actions. This is what causes kids to respect them. You and your ex are too busy doing what you want to do, and then trying to fit a square peg into a round hole.

The one thing that's obvious is you need to regain control of your household. And this starts with Crystal realizing what all good stepparents realize - discipline comes from the bioparent. Your issue shouldn't be supporting what she says. Your issue should be making sure she doesn't say it in the first place. You also need family counseling AGAIN with a different counselor.. It doesn't matter if the kids don't like it. They need the stability and Crystal needs to be part of it. She's making almost as many mistakes as you are.

Well, part of the problem is how this girl talks to your kids: "pathetic disrespectful little boy" - this is completely immature and cruel, NOT how you talk to children of ANY age, to start with.

Crystal is going to have to EARN respect and while your kids are old enough to know better, esp the 16 and 17 year old, they are still kids, teenagers that are going through emotional times.

I would have a sit down with them and explain that you understand and appreciate that their loyalties lie with their mother, AS THEY SHOULD. However, this girl is now your wife and you will all have to work together to make things civil and friendly. You will all refrain from treating each other with disrespect, you will follow the rules of the house or their will be consequences. Without Crystal, ask them what their concerns are, you will probably hear age and the way she treats them and LISTEN because they are giving you info - whether you agree or understand or not, let them know again that you appreciate where they are coming from. Ask them how you can make it better, REALISTICALLY for them. You HAVE to work with your kids on this one.

You should not have gotten married so fast. When there are children involved you need to put their needs first, not rush into things like this. No, you can't be on both sides of all of this. Your children are old enough to be heard. Ask them what is really going on with them and Crystal and believe what they have to say. She might be a complete nightmare when you aren't around and you say you don't want your children to hate you for the rest of their lives. SO LISTEN, BELIEVE and take action.

You also need to sit Crystal down and have a long and honest talk with her. She is NOT their mother and is not to parent your children. She is far to young to be parenting anyone, let alone teenagers. It may be her home too, since she's married to you. But they are not her children or responsibility. Let's face it. It was irresponsible of you and your ex wife to dump the children on you for a year knowing there was a new wife in the picture. You are both to blame for all of this! But you even more so by allowing all of this to come into your home and blow up like it has.

You need to be in contact with their mother (actually you should have done this a long time ago) and tried to see reason and come home for her chidren's sake. It's never to late to start trying to get the mom back into the picture.

Tell the new wife from here on out, try to not engage in arguing with the children and even though she's very young, that there is no excuse for name calling with a child. What she said was highly inappropriate. What the child said was upsetting but let's face it, most parents hear it at some point. The whole point is to then teach your children that name calling and acting out is NOT the solution! In a calm and constructive way. It proves the woman you married has no right to even act in the step-mother role as she's too immature herself to play any part in adulthood in the home.

I don't care what your children like or don't like. YOU and all three children need to be in counseling on a weekly basis. The new wife stays home! I know many people who haven't talked to a bad parent in 20 + years... want that to be your future? Then counseling starts next week, period!

Honestly?

If makes me crazy when adults mess up children's existences and THEN think its just fine to add someone new to the mix.

They are rebelling in the ways they know how to. You and your ex wife did what you wanted to....why not them?

Get into family counselling and work on effective co-parenting with your ex.

And, regarding how your kid dresses....it's NOT Kristals place to say anything. That is your job DAD.

well what i read. your children are trying to find their selves. being strict will just get them more rebellious. i know it sounds cheesy and they will prolly hate it. but sit her down. make her look into your daughters eyes. and say that you love them and everything you just put online. they need confirmation that they still have ppl that love them dearly and care what they look like and present them selves. being really is honestly the best. but stay calm and not strict because it will just cause rebellion. set guidelines that they need to follow and set consecuentes. so if they screw up they know whats coming before it comes.

force them to watch and listen to over 24 hours of David Icke speeches / seminars