Female insecurities:Need advice!! My boyfriend told me he thinks my friend is "super cute"?

Question

Just a brief background. I am 29 year old female with a 31 year old guy who has a different nationality. Weve been a couple for 8 years now but its a long distance relationship and we see each other every 2 years and he stays here in my country for a month. Some people may view this as an immature way of thinking OR BEING SUPERFICIAL or no big deal but i just hve to let this out.. i can feel that he really loves me coz no matter how many time I ask him to leave me and go for a girl from his own country, hes still with me and have offered me marriage many times.He is goodlooking and im just...plain.

Just that recently, I was a maid of honor in my friends wedding (my bf is also with me), and one of my ex colleague (also a good friend) who is a certified cutie, a hearthrob in our office way back, was one of the bridesmaids. I felt very very very depressed because that night of the wedding I thought i looked ok and even my critic mom thought i look like a celeb (lol) but still that cutie friend of mine got to be in the video shown of the ceremony that happend, in the reception BUT there was no me in the video.As always im overlooked. Then when me and my bf was already at home and we were laughing and eating ice cream he all of a sudden told me "sorry but i have to tell u this, I think your friend is super cute." and he continued "... but of course youre the most beautiful to me".SOunded like hes just tryna lighten the blow it may make me feel. I felt so crushed inside and i dunno why. I feel im not suppose to feel hurt but... i was very hurt. Mixture of self pity,confusion,betrayal etc.Tho hed ussualy tell me the girls he see on TV is cute or his crushes like jessica alba or maegan are hot (those didnt have enough impact on me, well just little) but with this friend of mine its different cos ive always felt envious of her.i wasnt able to think straight and all.When it was time to sleep,the face of my pretty friend pops in my head and if my boyfriend have been looking at her all thru the wedding night instead of me. I even have plan of cancelling our wedding plans cos im so consumed by that thought.If this is happening now what about in the future when im already tied to him and hed be already fed up with me?The morning after that he seems normal,he greeted me with a smile and would look my way when i pass by him.. but i just cant look at him cos i felt like crying.

And everytime people say hes so goodlookin i feel so little being with him that i can sense im so scared of being with him and that i feel hes not into me.I just dunno what he found in me.I am a bubbly person but most of the time is anti social and dislikes things that needs to expose my physical self.

I know its only me and him who knows each other, what weve been through and all but is that incident a red flag that hes not into me at all? Was he being a jerk and are guys usually like that? What do you think should I do?Cancel the engagement, talk to him maybe?I just dont wana beg for love :-(

MM · Accepted Answer

If you think it's easier to cancel the engagement than communicate with him, then maybe you should go ahead.  But if you're going to marry him (or anyone else), you need to talk about what's bothering you.  Tell him that you know you can't prevent him from noticing how other women look, but you really don't want or need to hear about it, and that even positive comparisons aren't going to make you feel better.  Then go from there.

Anonymous · Answer

Wow 8 years in a distant relationship is a lot to give up on so easily.  You two have had to gone through a lot to get to this point.  Guys are just guys sometimes, it doesn't mean much really.  I know you are hurt and for that you MUST talk with him about it.  Anytime one is hurt, communication has to exist.  Don't hold things in Bcz he obviously loves you beyond everything/everyone else.  Being a dumb jerk is not a relationship felony, it's just being a guy. I truly doubt he has any idea you were even hurt.  COMMUNICATION BB--That's what holds things together as you watch all others fall away.  Good Luck N Long Love

Anonymous · Answer

Hi there. I stumbled upon your question, by accident, but I like to give you my opinion, from a man's perspective.
The first and maybe the most important part about a relationship is trust and 2nd is being open to your partner (communication). You need to be able to trust your partner, and he needs to be open to you (tell you his thoughts). It obviously goes the other way also. 
My wife would have left me a long time ago if she were insecure every time I've said another girl is beautiful, cute, nice, have nice eyes, or even said "gee, she's got a nice bum, boobs" whatever. But when I say that, it is because I will always be a man and will always appreciate good looking woman and a nice personality. I don't want to leave my wife to be with that person.
Therefore maybe he is just being open to you and you need to trust him.
HOWEVER, I also want to say, that if you feel insecure about your relationship and your proposed marriage, before you are even married, then maybe that is a sign. 
You should be comfortable with your partner in every situation, and he should be your safe haven. You should in the first place when this bothered you not even have asked the question if you should speak to him about it or not. The relationship must be of such a nature that you must feel comfortable speaking to him about anything. And if you speak to him and he reacts "violently" towards you, then tell him to get lost, ("violently" not saying physical as such), and find yourself someone that you feel comfortable with. 

Hope this little advise helps. I'm no expert.

Anonymous · Answer

if I were you, I wouldn't cancell the engagement, I would just tell him how I feel. Cause I mean, guys will be guys.. okay he called another girl "super cute", but you gotta remember that YOUR the one he's with. So talk to him about it. Cause I know what he said really bothers u, but why cancell an engagement over something so simple?

Ohai · Answer

You're right, he didn't "have to tell you that". And I don't know why he did. He might've been trying to make you feel jealous so you would give him more attention or maybe he's just a dick. Either way, if he's honest, you are still the most beautiful to him. Don't cancel your wedding plans. But if it really bothers you then ask him to keep it to himself when he thinks your friends are cute. Good luck. :)

? · Answer

I've learned from my experience to stay away from the best-looking woman in the room.  Because she usually gets so much attention that it goes to her head.  She isn't the best to have a relationship with, even if she goes for me.

Any experienced guy would know this from his experience.  Perhaps your boyfriend is like this too.  He wants to marry you precisely because you aren't the best-looking.  He knows that you will treat him better than a better-looking woman would treat him.

You might ruin a perfectly good relationship, if you make a big problem out of this.

Anonymous · Answer

If you are teenagers it's fine, but at 31 if he isn't moving to where you live then it's time to wake up, he is not interested in a future with you, just a booty call every 2 years

Jimmy · Answer

its all over, theres no way out. except for one. the only way you can truely know if he loves you, is make him a bad sandwich on purpose. and then ask him what he tells you and only the truth and if he lies its end of relationship. (make sure its a bad sandwich) and if he lies, then hes just been a dick the whole time

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Female insecurities:Need advice!! My boyfriend told me he thinks my friend is "super cute"?

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