What's wrong with me?

Question

I don't really know where to begin or how to phrase much of this and it may make no sense, it may be disorganized, I may unintentionally leave a lot out or intentionally leave a lot out due to limits on space; I don't feel like I can get my thoughts on this organized well but please read it anyway and this will be long but please read all of it.  I really need your help.  Thank you.

I don't really know where to begin...

I've been feeling very sick lately.  I feel sick all the time.  I can’t eat, I can’t sleep.  I feel so out of it and on edge; I don't feel like I can do life anymore, like I just want to go to sleep now and never wake-up.  I don't mean that in any type of suicidal way, I just mean that I feel so exhausted and tired, I don't feel like I can function properly anymore, I feel like I've lost control.  I’ve grown used to feeling sick all the time because of a thyroid condition I have but recently I can’t handle whatever is wrong with me.  Think of when you feel under the weather; that’s my normal feeling but now I actually feel like I’m sick.  I don’t feel like I’m in good health and for the first time in my life I’m afraid for my health.  I think part of it is my thyroid but much more.

I think I may have some type of depression and/or anxiety.  A month ago yesterday I had a panic attack for the first time (I’ve had a few small ones that I’ve controlled since then).  This panic attack had nothing to do with my usual worries; it happened because I thought I was having a bad reaction to a blood drawing I had earlier in the day.  My blood was drawn four hours before it happened so it had nothing to do with it in reality.  I went to an emergency walk-in clinic and then to my usual doctor and they both found nothing wrong.  My doctor did mention anxiety as a possible cause and that made me later mention to my mom how I feel like I can't function anymore because of my worries and that it's so bad I want drugs to fix it.  I later would go back to the doctor for a recap of my blood work and we talked about my anxiety at that time too.  I told him that my attack was a wake-up call and I've learned that worrying really hurts and I've been relaxed that whole time since then.  This was all true until recently when all my problems have come back and seem to be worse.  I did have another appointment for a physical last week where I mentioned feeling more anxious to my doctor but I told him I was managing it, which was true but now as of this week I feel like I've reached a new point that I can't handle anymore.  I think prior to now it's been worse than I've let on but I've never really been good at opening up and I've always tried to suck it up (not just for this but for everything in life) but now I don't feel like I can do that anymore.  I feel like I've lost control.

Yesterday I started a new job which I hate.  All I do is check parking stickers at the beach and help people move their sailboats if needed but I still really hate it.  It's not a me type of job: I hate being outside (which I am all day), I hate the heat, I hate the beach, I just hate it.  The entire time at work I still feel very anxious.  I sit their fearing another anxiety attack, as I do all the time, but I just don't feel comfortable there I feel like being there makes it worse but then again I feel sick all the time and even if I wasn't there I would feel horrible.  The old me (prior to whatever is wrong with me) would have sucked it up and would make due.  The old me would have believed I made a commitment and should stick to it no matter what but I don't feel like I can do that anymore, I just can't.  Today I have off but my boss called me to ask me if I could work since someone called in sick.  I told her I couldn't.  I feel bad for doing this, the old me would had been there and would had been happy to be there whether I hated the job or not because I could suck it up but now I can't.  I really want to quit this job since I don't want to do it the whole summer but I'm going to give it more time and if needed I will quit and tell my boss I have a conflict with my other job (I have two jobs but my other one doesn't have a lot of hours in the summer).  Should I quit my new job?  I don’t think I should unless it becomes a real bad problem.  I’m going to fill out a few applications around the town I live in and I hope I’ll find something else but if I don’t I don’t think I should quit my job unless, as I said, it becomes a real problem.  Although I have already started doing applications for other places.

If you're reading this as of 8:23 PM EST please give me 10 minutes to post additional details before answering and please press refresh at around 8:33 PM EST.  Thank you.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Dear anxiety person, my opinion on your case is based on my professional experience as a physian and on my personal one as well. I 'Ve been where you are. First of all, I think you have a mild form of depression. The fact that you realize there is a problem is good. It might be connected to your thyroid problem. Hypothyroidism leads to apathy and depression while hyperthyroidism causes anxiety. If your hormone levels are normal (Including sex hormones ) It 'S more likely that the disease is not organic, therefore it ' s functional. Also consider vestibulitis - any vertigo, Nausea, Vision problems ? If those are absent, you probably need psychological help. I couldn 't get some important facts about you - age, Gender and for how long there has been a "new you ". To my mind you should get rid of everything that makes you tense including the job. Try to do what makes you happy and don 't say sleep or food. I got the impression that you have a problem with communication, Too. It seems like being out among people makes you nervous. Ask yourself why. Try to find the root of anxiety And then make peace with it. Family,friends, Enemies, boss,  co -workers, anything. I see you have a Busy schedule which might have lead to a burn - out syndrome. Have some fun, Do some exercise, get a pet, buy something new. Paint a picture of your emotions. There are many methods that can take some pressure off but it is harder than it seems. Everyone finds a different reason to live - for people they love, for the opportunity to do sonething great in life, For religion or for reaching a higher level before their next life (For those who believe in rebirth ). Remind yourself of your reason to keep fighting. I 'D like to add that I got sick a few months ago and before they gave me all the necessary test, the possibility of a life -threatening disease was high. For the first time in years I remebered how insignifact most worries are. I Thought about all of my dreams which hadn 'T yet come true. So don 'T give yourself to Panic. As long as you 'Re alive, There is hope and good things ahead. Good luck !

? · Answer

- YOU DON'T HAVE ONE THING WRONG WITH YOU. Some people go through this, depression/anxiety, thats exactly what you have. I have severe anxiety myself I am constantly worrying about everything when in reality I should be reaching for my hopes and dreams and stop worrying what other people think about me or how my future will land. I read your entire post and it doesn't matter if your different, you have a life that was made for a reason, you need to find that purpose. Go out and do what you love, shoot for your goals and dreams. ANYONE CAN DO IT. Put your mind to it, surround yourself with those who love you. Who cares about some girl? Because, eventually one will come around, doesn't matter how long it takes. You also got to learn to love yourself, if you have a flaw you see? just say "oh well". Sometimes this seems to be hard for people though but if you do that, i gaurantee you will be a happier person! You could also talk to a counselor about this, they are there to talk about your feelings. Just stop being so down buddy, cheer up :) LIVE YOUR LIFE. Make it to your full potential and not everyone elses. Fill out other job applications and do what you love, if you don't like it, don't stick with it. Don't ever let yourself down or stoop lower then who you really are. Just by reading this, I think you seem like a down-to-earth person :)

Anonymous · Answer

visit blackdogtribe.com to get online support. Also visit yourlifeyourvoice.org to talk to a free online councellor. Look up exercise and depression, it releases endorfins which improve mood and brain chemistry. Also look up art therapy, channelling what yr feeling into something creative helps yr brain process the negativity in yr head, even if yr not good at art; a could technique is doodling it brings yr thoughts into the present stopping u dwelling on the past and yr problems. If yr self esteem is low do and learn new things, small at first, this will give u a sense of achievement...Find some volunteer work, helping others or nature builds self esteem, it looks good on yr CV, it gives perspective, u ll meet nice new people and it gives good karma. U don't have to believe in God but finding some spirituality helps and good karma is a good start. When u find things that help come on here and share with the other troubled people, more good karma. Join clubs, groups, classes and activities in yr community were u ll meet likeminded people and have new things in yr life. U could even challenge yrself by joining activities u wouldnt normally be interested in. Don't be afraid to go to yr doctor and be totally honest, they ll understand and be able to help, medication or a change of medication can work wonders. A journey of self discovery is a good thing to do. Try different ways of living until u find one that makes sense. People have all kinds of reasons for living. And the journey of self dicovery is half the reward. Read The Magic by Rhona Byrne it has helped alot of people. And playing computer games has been shown to help with depression. Good luck,

? · Answer

Hit a blunt

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What's wrong with me?

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