What would you suggest I do? How can I improve my situation?

I'll give you my (intended seriously) take on this:

I went through my teen years (now 32) pretty much exactly you describe yourself as being, which I interpret as, 'popular with everyone but not really a prominent/important part of any group' - ie you're well appreciated but, in the event of your absence from some kind of social occasion, people possibly wouldn't eagerly hunt you down to find out where you are (someone might do, I mean more that it wouldn't be a burning issue).

I was very much this way at age 16 and I chose to ignore it and just assume it was normal and everyone felt that way (which is likely true but I doubt you want to read that). I continued (was in with party-people/drinkers/smokers etc) until age 23, when I was horribly overweight.

I then began studying foreign language in order to get away from a pointless, deadend job with my now former best friend (I'll explain why in a bit), though we/the group of friends I had at that time remained good friends (as we had since age 16).

I aced that course and was offered a scholarship to Asia in 2004 (24 years old). I went over, but contracted a serious, but not permanent or life threatening, illness (Gillain-Barre Syndrome) and returned home to recover. All my friends were there (it's a brain injury but not one which made me change psychologically) and I recovered in about 3 months.

I then returned overseas to complete my scholarship. This was February 2005.

That's the last thing I remember as I then woke up in July 2005 with a form of the encephalitis virus (which IS a psychologically changing, very dangerous chronic brain virus which unknown residual symptoms from the first infection had allowed to happen).

I spent about 4 months in various hospitals before returning to my parent's home (because I was in BAD shape - on crutches, could barely speak straight, 5 minute memory - the works).

Point being, while my former *friends* were incredibly supportive in the beginning, one by one they stopped keeping in touch. By age 27, they were all in careers/stable relationships, some married/engaged/parents, while I had just learned to walk properly and speak straight (but with ongoing deficits).

This slowly growing gap in my popularity grew until I didn't know them anymore; sure, I know some still via facebook, but we never speak anymore (I'm now about 90% recovered btw, which is somewhat fortunate, I'm told).

POINT BEING THIS: careful what you hold in high regard in terms of your priorities. Mine used to be friends, popularity, parties and only working to subsidize these things. When my health changed, I found who my REAL friends were, and it was NONE of those fakes.

If I may suggest this to you: what you choose to do (in life) right now will influence your 20s. Depression, loneliness, a desire to be like everyone else; all these things (in my experience) are of LIMITED real importance because independence, a desire to marry, children born out of a one night stand resulting in one of/some of your friends having to grow up REAL fast will mean all your priorities will change.

What I think you should consider doing is not concentrating on trying to fit in (as I get the impression is part of what you say) as much as trying to give your older self a helping hand by setting up your future value.

In my experience, women don't want to know a guy (with the intention of loving him) who's not a potential father of their yet-to-be-born children around age 30 (it might be different where you are but I've found that here). If you're caught up in a prolonged bout of depression (and that can last a LONG time unless you train yourself to be happier by surrounding yourself with things which help you like success or motivation) then you'll find yourself (potentially) somewhat alone by age 30 (as I did).

What has helped me ignore any depression I've encountered is the following:

* Exercise (just generally, but it came from rehab for me)

* Study (it feels good to progress)

* A hobby (eg making Youtube-like videos, which I do)

What hasn't helped (which I now see):

* Feeling low enough to discuss/consider suicide with myself (and I know how that feels)

* Dwelling on thinking of others (in relation to your popularity) before yourself

Find direction, ace it, then get a harem started and enjoy your life (as you deserve to do).

I know what you mean about confussion im a different situation. I can't stop no matter what I try, it's like I can't stop because I think to hard about things and thus it slips in my mind to offten I just need to get wasted sometime and maybe that will fix all our problems. Everybody has got to do some mind altering substance before they die maybe it will help me and you. I have the same dream of being left alone for the rest of my life. The only thing is you gotta go out and get your food some how thus you and I could never be left alone. It seems like in reality there is no escape from this free minded hell I live in. Im so fed up with the universe I almost don't see any purpose of existance to an extent I understand. People like you and me we just need a real reason to live not just feeling like everyday is another hell with no escape nor aid from anyone you know or have heard of. I hope this somehow helps but you and me both gotta admit we need psychological help from someone or something.