Joke off, best joke wins!?

Funniest Joke in the World:

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other man pulls out his cell phone and calls emergency services. He gasps to the operator, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator in a calm, soothing voice replies, "Take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard.

Back on the phone, the hunter says, "OK, now what?"

Runner Up:

Patient: "Doctor, I've got a strawberry stuck up my bum."

Doctor: "I've got some cream for that."

Another Runner Up:

A patient says, "Doctor, last night I made a Freudian slip. I was having dinner with my mother-in-law and wanted to say: 'Could you please pass the butter?' But instead I said: 'You silly cow, you have completely ruined my life."

Amazing - Another Runner Up:

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 degrees Celsius. The Russians used a pencil. this one is true.

Three guys are stranded on an island full of cannibals. The cannibal leader says to go and get ten of any fruit on the island

The first guy comes back with ten apples. The leader then says "If you can stick all ten fruit up your butt without making a sound, you can become a tribe member and live" so the man tries, he get two in, then he whimpers. The cannibals killed him and ate him.

The second guy comes back with ten cherries. The tribe leaders tells him, the same thing. He gets up to eight, looks up, and starts to laugh. The cannibals then killed him and ate him.

The first guy meets the second guy up at heaven and asks "You were almost there what happened?" He responds by saying "I saw our friend with his arms full of pineapples!!"

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson were going camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: "Watson, look up at the sky, and tell me what you see." Watson replied: "I see millions and millions of stars." Holmes said: "And what do you deduce from that?" Watson replied: "Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it’s quite likely there are some planets like Earth out there. And if there are a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life. And if there is life, than - " And Holmes said: "Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent."

Zontafer

Sorry i'm taking a break from joking-off

What do you call a party girl who likes to drink?

Beatrix.

knock knock: who's there

cargo: cargo who?

Car go beep beep

pull my finger. no, really!! pull my finger!!

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