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Can you give me a good ending and a title for my short story?

Can you check for run on sentences and also tell me how would you grade it by; correct dialogue, Is it interesting and is the conflict good and cleared.

Thanks alot

Here is my short story:

The summer holidays are ending and a new semester is about to begin. Joesph was going to school after summer. Joesph was faltered in going back to the boring school. It felt like summer began but school was around the corner. The school was rebuilt now with three floors.

Joseph wandered slowly up to the school, and once he got to the front gates he stopped and stared; he wasn't the only one. Several other students were also gazing up at the newly rebuilt building, now with three floors. Among the admiring students, Joseph saw his friends Phil and Drake". Joesph said “what classroom you guys got”. "What classroom are you guys in?" asked Joseph. "We're in room 168," they replied in unison. With a deep sigh Joesph said “well I’m in room 169 but next year we will be in the same classroom”. As the bell rings everybody got inside but Joesph didn’t pay any attention to where he was going.

Everybody went to the third floor but Joesph didn’t know where his seventh grade classroom went. Joesph thought that is an adult caught him he will be in trouble. “I’m going to be seriously in trouble” Joesph thought. Joesph went up and down the stairs but it was pointless to find his classroom. It was like a mouse and a maze. Room 150, room 142, and room 168. Wait! Joesph was excited to see that 169 come after 168. When he turned to the corner he ended up in the gymnasium, but since it was morning classes nobody was there. Joesph sighed and saw the clock on the wall, it was 12:47 already!

Joesph couldn’t believe what he had seen. He had been sneaking around for more than two hours. The only way he can find his class is by teacher. Joesph thought the fire alarm might get everybody together. Joesph pulled himself to the hallway. Then he pulled up the glass lid and pulled the fire alarm. “Ring, Ring, Ring”! The alarm sounded loud and everybody walked outside. The teachers said “It’s not a drill, remain calm”! Joesph thought everything was perfect.

Joesph followed his friends Phil and Drake’s classroom. As the classes are walking outside, Joesph was planning to find his class. The teachers recounted the students the students and checking the attendance. Everything was going to plan thought Joesph. He asked a teacher where was room 169 and the teacher showed Joesph the way. They thought it was a malfunction so they resumed classes. Joesph was caught not in the attendance so he was marked late. Nobody knew what caused the alarm except Joesph. Joesph was excited about skipping the morning classes and resumed where the other students were doing.

2 Answers

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  • 8 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    Joesph was faltered-doesn't make sense

    resumed where the other students were doing.-again does not make sense

    You should rewrite the beginning and for the ending you should have the alarm go off and have it actually be a fire but people can't get out because it's like they're trapped in the maze-like school. A title could be The Perfect Fire, or Fire Maze or Maze Dilemma or something cool like that. You're dialogue I would give an 80/100 as it needs to be spaced properly and is not very interesting. For interesting I would give it an 75/100 it is okay, could be better you need to work on your writing. Conflict is almost none existent, where's the action, the drama, the excitement so 75/100 again. Overall a 76%.

  • ?
    Lv 4
    5 years ago

    This particularly looks like a golden story. It is no longer like Twilight, which I recognize entirely. It is some thing specific and fascinating. I might read this. Listed here are some titles: once I Die My Our Glass White coronary heart, Black heart The lifeless do not Die

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