Nice way to ask boyfriend to please brush his hair when we go in public?

He either has bad grooming habits, low self esteem (doesn't care how he looks) or BOTH. Men with bad hygiene need a woman to teach them. Take him shopping for beard trimmer, fingernail clippers etc. If he has a low self esteem- just remember to be "nice" about it. For example, say something like "you look very handsome without the beard". Also, men are creatures of habit. Help him into some sort of routine where he's brushing his teeth and shaving each day at the same time. This way, when it's time to go to dinner- he doesn't look so bad because he already did at least the bear minimum

You have probably realized that he is who he is and that he will probably never be interested in looking like he is on the cover of GQ. But I think most people would agree that asking him to clean up when you go out is reasonable.

At this point, it sounds like you need to start being straight with him:

"Tom, I love you just the way you are and I have accepted that you're not interested in a career as a model. But I feel uncomfortable when we go out and you look like you've spent the last few years in the jungle. To be honest, I would really appreciate it if you could at least make an effort to look normal when we go out so that I can relax and feel attracted to you. Could you do that for me without my having to nag?"

If he won't, then it sounds like you need to have a conversation about why he is so resistant to doing basic personal care.

He's a slob or freak - - - he's always gonna be a slob, unless something/someone inspires him to want to clean-up his act. After 5 years, that's apparently not you. Move on.

"BaC" expresses an all-too-common view: that some people have somehow been anointed to change other people. Sorry - that isn't the way it is. Are you looking for someone to tell you how you should change yourself, change your appearance, change what you like, etc.? Right - nobuddy is.

Accept people as they are.......we can overlook things that bother us when we are infatuated....once the luster fades, those things can really bother us. It's more realistic to move on than to think we can change them......or to think that we are somehow entitled to try.

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