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Messed up first date, is there a way to get a second chance?

Bit of a weird situation. This girl added me on Facebook after I played out at an event. Normally I'd find this creepy, but she was cute so I made an exception. We talked a bit over IM and it turned out we had a tonne in common, so I asked her out and got her mobile number. So just know that there's no real way I can talk to this girl in person right now.

On Saturday we met up for lunch, had a walk around the city/window shopped a bit/had some ice cream before I walked her back to the train station. Conversation was super easy, we made each other laugh more than a handful of times. That said, while I paid for lunch and teased her at times, I felt way too shy/self conscious/awkward/whatever to flirt or touch her subtly.

End of the day comes, I ask if she's ready to head back. There were a few cases where I could have kissed her, but I didn't. Even at the end when her train was about to leave, she stood facing me but I gave her a firm hug because I wasn't so sure at the time. I quickly ask if she's free next week/wants to do something again before she leaves, she says yes...

... but today when I texted her, she didn't respond. I know she's been online/checked her phone/whatever, so I'm worried I've ****ed up permanently or she's found another guy or both. Normally I'd just move on but I haven't dated someone I've had this much in common with in 2 years, and hell while I'm really attracted to her, I'd prefer to be able to talk to her as a good friend in the future than to eventually get deleted from her contacts :/

Update:

I wish I could assume she wasn't ignoring me and was busy, but I IMd her something unrelated on Facebook a few hours after my text (as if she had never seen the text and I hadn't sent it) but Facebook shows she didn't even open the IM even though I could see her commenting on others' activity. That probably sounds a bit desperate, but I just don't want to send too many messages if it'll mean I get blocked. :(

Flirting out of the blue seems weird at this point unless I send another text, a cut down version of this post, eg:

"Hey, what happened? You're really cute and while ideally i'd like to meet up again, I'd really appreciate if we could stay good friends since it was great talking with you"

5 Answers

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  • 8 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    Send her a pic of your underarm hair. Works every time.

  • 5 years ago

    Did you ask him why he cheated within the first location? I might get all the data I could. Communicate until there is nothing left to speak about.. Get all of it out in the open. As soon as there is nothing left at midnight and the vulnerability and honesty is there, it can be as much as you to make the determination of whether or not or no longer the nice "out weighs" the bad. If for the duration of this time you two are communicating, he gets shielding and puts the blame on you for now not being there for him, or spending an excessive amount of time at work, blah blah blah.. Fail to remember him/ transfer on, he will in no way change. But if, and this is a large if, intellect you.. If he's willing to focus one hundred% on you and be loyal and honest, compassionate, working out, and no longer provide in to temptations, and which you can put this in the back of you and transfer ahead, then it ( relationship) is also competent of being saved. All of it depends upon whether or not or now not you're inclined to do the rough work. You cannot bring it up and use it against him in future arguments, that is a significant " no no" and therapists will inform you the equal ( saving you 70 bucks right here a session, lol) for those who do not suppose you might be powerful enough to move on one hundred % and in no way convey up the previous, then it is going to now not work. For the way can two humans have a future collectively when the present is being destroyed with mentioning a negative past? In my opinion, i'm with one of the vital different answerers.. And would leave his *** and in finding someone else who respects you extra and would under no circumstances feel to cheat on you, why go by way of all that tough work and not using a guarantee that he wont do it again?

  • Anonymous
    8 years ago

    American women are tough. they don't give men much time to prove themselves. it's hard to talk to them because they are very "touchy" which makes conversations very unnatural. it's kinda like touching a piece of china or talking to a small child you really have to watch your P's & Q's with them because the littlest slip and PUFF.

    if you screw up on a first date that's typically it. She's off looking for another guy and most times she already found date two and he's now on deck.

    That's one of the reasons why they don't get what they want because they give up on relationships too easily. Cause they think that every date must be PERFECT and a possibly suitor must be ABSOLUTELY RIGHT and the epitome of PERFECTION.

    However i don't know if you screwed anything up in fact there is this thing called "the vampire rule" where you don't kiss a "lady" on the first date. sluts, yes, but ladies, no. i think this is more her than it is you. i think she's going with OPTION B.

    in that case leave her a message and or text. if she calls back or responds GREAT. if not FINE. but don't blow up her phone. you gave it a shot and did your best you have nothing to be ashamed of. you did great. you paid. you made her laugh and you were a gentleman.

    the ball is in her court.

    edit:

    DO NOT SEND HER MULTIPLE TEXTS !!!!! under no circumstances should you do that. Cause it makes you look desperate. and i know you aren't desperate. your just trying to be nice but there are limits to being nice.

    and yes you need to start flirting with other women now. if she don't want to answer than that's that. she had her chance. the train don't stop just because she's too busy to respond. you have your own life to live. don't waste it trying to accommodate some girl. this is the summer of love and you have needs too damn it.

  • Anonymous
    8 years ago

    I don't think you messed up....

    Assume she's not ignoring you and is just busy, or can't think or anything to say. Try texting or messaging her again a little later. Just keep trying to hit her up until she finds away to say she's not interested. So, just wear on her defences until she realizes it's a good match. You need to flirt with her and let her know you think she's pretty, etc, though.

    I mean, she might just have decided along the way of the date that she's not really into you, and not giving her a goodbye kiss might not have been the problem.

    Right now, all you have is a break down in quick communication, so you can't have any decisions until you find out what's up.

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  • 8 years ago

    You didn't screw anything up. She's just being a hard to get b****, and its not right. She is in the wrong, she knows you're interested and she's just playing stupid games.

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