how to morph into a cow?

Well, there is scientific proof that this is possible. I can't remember the source, but it was the following: Scientists collided a cow with a man (specific parameters are top secret, security reasons, you know), and with the highest technology, they were able to recognize a subcowatic manticle wandering around for as long as 2 nanoseconds. It then disappeared with a loud "mooh", transferring its mass into sound waves, and disappearing. Unfortunately, the cow and man that were collided have not disappeared (the guy was an ******). Patience! Within a few years you will be able to have a cow as a sister.

That's impossible. Stupid question.