Sexual/Romantic Delusions with Dementia/Senility?

You can't tell her that her actions are inappropriate. She won't remember long enough for it to matter. She's angry, right? That's part of Stage Two with dementia. There is no easy answer. There is no good answer. None. It will get worse and worse. You can talk to her doctor about it, but there are no good answers. All he/she can do is give you the choices of what to do next. I truly wish I could tell you what to do. My Dad is in Stage Two, but not quite that bad yet. (At least his isn't sexual.)

I do know my grandmothers--neither one ever got dementia thankfully--used to tell about the other women in their assisted living facilities. There really were so fewer men than women, that the men got attention from quite a few of the women. Sadly, that's what happens when women live longer than men and they spent so much of their lives married. To add dementia to it? I'm so very sorry. There are no good answers. There is only "do the best you can do under the circumstances." The other thing is to arm yourself where it goes from here, because it really does keep getting worse.

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Delusions In Dementia

It's next to impossible to minimize her behavior, so you can only minimize the impact. First you can be circumspect about where she goes and who she encounters. At family gatherings it should be understood that she behaves this way and it hurts. It is beyond her control. There are perhaps some family gatherings she should be kept at home for as her ability to ruin them for others is high. If you don't have a non-family caregiver - perhaps it is time to have one. Have one come once a week for a few hours and be on call for other times it might be best she stay at home.

If you haven't spoken to her doctor about this you should. It is possible she needs to have a hormone adjustment of some sort.

Perhaps she also needs access to sex toys. She may have unmet needs and at 76 doesn't know how to get them or is too embarrassed. Buy some simple sex toy and put it in with her private things and let her discover it on her own.

I hate to say that I am glad to see this post and I am so sorry for your predicament

but it brings up needed conversation(s)

My by mom has moved in with us.... she is 62, but more like an 80 year old in physical & mental health

She hits on every man who gets near her. Male nurses at dialysis, male doctors, male EMTs, male employees at Walmart --- and I mean even after they work to avoid her.

the things she says are things that might be said by young porn stars --- for her it isn't about finding a love interest... it is "open expression" of her sexuality

it is just rather disgusting to hear her say "Hey big boy, you need to get behind me & pound into me...." (you can imagine the rest) ----- and she honestly believes that someone will decide to take her up on it... and she ONLY wants "hot guys"... not interested in a romp with age-appropriate men

In her case, everytime we say "Mom, please, they don't need to feel harassed" she responds with "sexuality was encouraged in the 60's when I was a teen" & "we live in a prudish society"

then she starts telling stories about how humans are sexual all the way to death.... based on her experiences working as a nurse in nursing homes. The most outward example was a women who kept going from room to room & in general living areas pulling up her skirt yelling "Lick my P***y"... and there were all sorts of stories of finding more than one person in a bed... and often times women with women due to "not enough men"

We have tried everything, even counseling. It is well established that these things don't come out of her mouth due to dementia..... just refusal to filter & she will not agree to start filtering

I have a friend, who's mother does have dementia who went door-to-door throughout the neighborhood asking anyone who looked like an adult to her to participate in sexual activities explaining she didn't care if it was man or woman.... unfortunately, sometimes she was hitting on 14 year old boys & girls... end result, she could no longer live at home & had to be put into a Alzheimer's unit in nursing home

EDIT TO ADD: I called my friend who's mom had been hitting on kids in the neighborhood... he said she got in trouble for raping other patients (men & women).... she could not afford semi-private room but every roomie they put her with complained of waking up with her all over them. I think they probably caught her feeling up sleeping/drugged roomies. She also got it trouble "being angry" (cussing, throwing things, verbally abusing) at many of the patients who were non-receptive to her advances. There was one male patient who had some interest, but apparently his equipment didn't work at the right moment & she clawed his face in anger leaving trenches from her nails. After that, his family demanded he be protected from her.

The end result was a private room (for the protection of other patients) and near lock-down from contact with other patients unless it was "activity time" or something where supervision was available. The fact of the matter is that even when supervised, she is a problem unless someone can watch her like a hawk. She has problems putting her hands on anyone who sits near enough for her to touch them. She could not leave her room to socialize without supervision. Family refused to come sit with her and can not afford 24/7 sitter, so her socialization limited to when staff is available.

Tell her you are going to take her to see your grandfather but really take her far out in the wood the shoot her then dissolve her body and flush it down the toilet and if anyone asks you can say she just ran away because she has dimentia so she isn't really mentally stable so people would most likely believe it...Joking I say you just keep her away from family members or go the the doctor and get some sort of medication. Take your pick between my two answers.

P.S

To any government agency looking at this the first half of my statement was a joke no need to watch my house I am a young child who watches too much Breaking Bad.

Thank You,

Zach Huffman

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