Is my husband right or am I right?

Question

Let me explain first I have ADHD. When I get mad I get louder and tend to cry and I have a a hard time with organization of simple things like what house chores to do.

My husband is from another country, Poland. He does a lot of house chores and is stubborn in the fact that when I ask him for a list of chores, he won't give me one.

My husband is a great and funny man. I think he is starting to hate me. I have been working on doing more and more chores in the house and he won't say good job or that he even noticed. The only time he wants to be with me is sex related otherwise he just watches sports in the other room. If I don't ask him too he won't even do anything with our son, who is a very well behaved boy. He tells us what we do wrong all the time but is never encouraging.

I on the other hand am not perfect either. I don't like doing chores but I will do them if he tells me or write them down. Or if I know ahead of time. I need a routine. I do lots of things with our son such as go out and play in the sand box with him, go on walks, bike rides, feed him etc. (he is 3). I will watch netflix all day as a default if I am not given duties to do around the house.

My husband has been mad at me for not doing chores, being lazy, and he's stressed out. He doesn't yell. He pouts and refuses to talk to me. He tells me that I don't do anything repeatedly and then he will refuse to talk to me when I bring up how he never wants to spend time with me.

Any thoughts?

Rodica · Accepted Answer

You or your husband cannot be right and happy at the same time. Tell him that if he wants to be happy he has make a chores list. It is as simple as that. And because he does the most of them do not expect to be encouraged. We women, do not congratulate men for doing some chores. We think they have to do it. He thinks the same and frankly I do also.

Patricia · Answer

Since you are an adult woman, i'd imagine you can SEE what needs done around the house? And if you like to live in a clean, tidy home, then you're going to automatically take care of things.  As adults we shouldn't have to receive directions from our spouse to know what to do?  That doesn't make sense.

And when we do something and accomplish something, we do it for ourselves, and don't need any compliments from others.... if we feel good about it, that's all we need.

You said you have ADHD and KNOW you get loud and cry a lot.  This is a great start, you know what behaviors you assert.  As a thinking human being, if you want to change up some behaviors you know exist, you can always work to calm yourself when you start feeling stressed or upset.  Thse things take time and practice.  If your ADHD is interfering with your daily life, you are overdue to seek therapy or some help in learning some  life coping skills and positive changes as well as you are able!

take care of you.

I dont' think it's healthy sitting around watching netflix all day?

Anonymous · Answer

my thoughts are: YOU write down your chores and your regime. dear god u have a son and u may watch Netflix all day? what re u 3? adhd or not adhd u re a grown up, so act like one. sit down, think what u need to do and write it down and then do. also all the activities u described u do with your son are FUN activities. where re your chores? and also u sound little bit retarded. are u sure u have only adhd? adhd people re not retarded, they just have short attention spin. u sound like u have much more than that

? · Answer

My dear friend, there is question of right and wrong as you both have nature that sets you in south and north pole. Do not bring ego problem. it will ruin your marriage! Divorce is the last resort.

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Is my husband right or am I right?

4 Answers