my girlfriend of 5 years broke up with me?

Hi,

You have been with this girl for a quarter of your life and you are bound to have a huge void in your life where she was. However it's not so much her that you are missing as the whole life-style that you two had together. You must accept that she has made her decision and that it's over. It's really difficult because I can see that you are much better without her and really the last paragraph of your question shows that you see that too, but knowing it and being able to cope with it are two different things.

When a long-term relationship ends it's a bit like someone dying and you have to go through a grieving process for the part of your life that is lost. It's actually fine to cry, to scream and shout, to feel confused, experience despair: it's all part of coming to terms with what has happened. That phase can last for a few months, then, like dealing with a death, you suddenly realise that you have to get on with your life and day by day it gets a tiny bit easier, and you think a tiny bit less about the person, until you suddenly realise that you are getting through it and you can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

In your case I think you should forget about relationships for a little while and just concentrate on being free to do whatever you want. Your life for the last year or so has probably been filled with worries, so what you want to do now is to have some worry-free time. As you say you have a bright future. Apart from the girl, everything in your life is falling into place nicely and you are in an excellent position to build a new future for yourself.

Make it a priority to get a new routine established. Contact friends that you haven't seen for a while because your girlfriend took your time and energy. Arrange to meet up and try to organise your evenings so that you are out with your friends a couple of evenings a week.

Think of an interest that you would have loved to pursue had your girlfriend not taken priority, and join a class or a group one evening a week. Other spare time could be spent doing volunteer work with those less fortunate, or visiting family, or playing in a sports team, going down the gym, etc etc etc. Try to fill two more evenings in this way and one day at the weekend. Another evening doing chores or work and you will just have the last day of the weekend to yourself for some chilling out time.

Once you have filled your time, without intentionally looking for a new relationship, you might just come across someone with the same interests amongst your new friends.

It really does work. I married my childhood sweetheart at 21 after 7 years dating. It was a huge mistake and three years later we were divorced when he went off with someone else. I was devastated and thought my life had come to an end. Fortunately old friends were happy to meet up and I did a correspondence degree and a dinghy sailing course to fill up my time. Eventually I married my sailing instructor! We had a son and are still happily married 30 years later.

You sound really sensible and kind and I am sure there is a much better life waiting out there for you too. Go for it!

Get a job at micky ds and go to renaissance fairs or live well. The italian revenge.

U did right thing thing. Got to do is take care of ur self she believe she made mistake break up with u