My grandad has been diagnosed with advanced lung cancer?

Okay first things first, don't feel guilty. You have nothing to feel guilty about. It's not your fault at all!

My granddad was diagnosed with lung cancer and non-hodgkins lymphoma around three years ago. We were told that the lung cancer was not a concern and that some radiotherapy should be a good hope to send the non-hodgkins lymphoma into remission.

We were all delighted a year later when we were told that the lung tumour had not grown and that the non-hodgkins lymphoma had shrunk. Unfortunately, about a year and 5 months ago we were told that the lung cancer had spread to his spine and there were tumours growing in many locations around his body. We were devastated. I didn't really accept that he was going to die until five months later. It's now just over a year since he died and we are all coping a lot better. I lost my granddad and a best friend and that's something you never fully get over, but you learn to cope and deal with it.

Stage 4 cancer is when the cancer has spread from one part of the body to another. At that point, unfortunately, cancer becomes terminal. The treatment from there can involve chemotherapy but it is not a cure - it can often sometimes slow the effects of the cancer down. The life expectancy for Stage 4 cancer isn't straightforward - factors such as age, where the tumours have spread, weight, health of other organs etc have to be taken into account. I tell you, with the deepest sympathy, that only 10% of people with stage four cancer live longer than five years. Most die within 2 years of diagnoses and the median mortality rate (the point at which 50% die and 50% survive) is 8 months.

Pain is often experienced when tumours are large and have spread to areas such as joints and bones. My granddad didn't begin to feel pain until the last couple of months before he was taken from us.

There is always hope, however. You must remain hopeful until he is gone. Without hope, we are nothing. Remain hopeful that something will happen and he'll have longer.

If we take everything into consideration, including the statistics, your granddad will unfortunately perhaps not live beyond a couple of years. But it's definitely very difficult to say when you're not sure of his exact situation.

You need to surround yourself with the people you love so you can have support. Your granddad will be fine. When you see him I would try not to cry in front of him as it could possibly make him feel guilty. When I saw my granddad when he only had a few days left, I immediately began to cry and mum sent me upstairs so it didn't upset him. I must have cried for hours before I could stop and felt confident enough to go downstairs and see him. I stayed with him for about an hour, when when I went I said "I'm going now granddad. See you soon. I love you" and I kissed him on the forehead. He was barely conscious but he was aware and he nodded and smiled slightly. That was the last time I saw him. He died a few days later.

One thing I regret is that I felt I did not spend enough time with him in the last couple of years of his life. I used to sleep at his house every weekend and spent a lot of time around him until I was at least 13. Then I just stopped seeing him. I cry at night. Not because he died, not because of the pain he felt. I cry because I regret more than anything that I didn't make sure he knew how much I loved him and appreciated him. So make sure you do that. Spend time around him. Make sure he knows how much you care for him. If not you'll regret it. That's the best thing you can do right now. Be STRONG for him and make sure you spend time with him before he goes.

Allow yourself to cry after seeing him. It's healthy. Just try not to do it in front of him. Spend time around the rest of your family and cry to them. They'll be your support through all of this.

My thoughts are with you at this time. If you need to talk, feel free to email me. rsdntbplr@gmail.com.

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your Gramps is dying. that's why everyone else is being hush-hush about it.

it will soon be time to say, "goodbye" to him.

tell him that U love him and don't go, "around the bend" thinking about it. death is just a part of life.

B well and God's Peace to U.