Wife miscarried, I don't want to try again, she does...?

I`m a firm believer that BOTH partners should be on board before trying for a baby. I don`t think you`re in the wrong for knowing that you`re not ready for another child right now (or ever). You are also correct in that's irresponsible to say "we will never be financially ready so let's do it any way!" I do think that your wife is coming from a place of grief right now, and is probably not thinking straight. Most women need time to grieve a miscarriage, especially one that is further along. At the very least, the acknowledge that their bodies need time to recover from the loss before trying again.

I`d suggest waiting a few months. Give her time to get used to the idea that she has lost her pregnancy. If you need her off your back for a while, I suggest saying "We will talk about it in X month". Then, once you're both less close to this situation, sit down and talk it through.

This is one of those situations that can end a marriage, so you both need to go into the conversation with open minds and not resort to name-calling or melodrama (really, "my life doesn't matter"? What are you, 14 years old?). This might mean seeking professional or outside help (like a pastor at the church, etc). You'll need a neutral third party to help guide the conversation so you reach a resolution that works for BOTH of you and your marriage.

Good luck! I hope you find your path.

First, it takes two to tango so you can't be forced to have another child.

Also, I would seriously suggest that your wife speak to her doctor about her plans to have a baby again right away. I have had two miscarriages, and my doctor forbade me to have sex or even think about getting pregnant for 4 months at a minimum (and she preferred a 6 month wait). Some doctors allow it, but miscarriages are traumatic physically, as well as emotionally, and many people's bodies cannot handle it. That, of course, will not stop your wife from being distraught and wanting to try again right away. Our pregnancies were not planned, though not prevented, but after the second MC I was determined to bring a healthy, beautiful child into the world and waiting was torture for me. If she JUST had the miscarriage - her behavior is totally normal. She just wants reassurance that she will get another chance.

You response to your wife sounded like you don't want more children at all... but you post here suggests that you simply do not want them now. I feel like you need to make that clear to your wife. You also should suggest that you both wait at least a month before discussing the matter of children again. Her grief is still too raw and talking about it now will make her either emotional or defensive and she will never forget how you respond to her questions. My husband told me firmly that we would "talk about it later".

You are right that financial responsibility is key to creating and nurturing more children. If you have the extra funds to set aside even $50 a month, then you could probably afford a child (since you wife stays home) because you have already worked many of the childcare costs into your budget with your first child. IF she is set on having a baby... and you somehow become convinced to support her in this... I would start setting aside that money each month now so you have a baby-fund when the time comes. Also... if you do not have insurance, baby-making is not something you should do now.

It is irresponsible to have babies if you don't want them - however, take a look back at what you are feeling and decide whether you just feel unprepared for another child or whether you really do not want one.

Has your wife considered working? I am not saying for her to go out and get a job...because you save a lot not having to pay for childcare. But, my mother ran (and still runs) and in-home daycare. It is a great way to make money, and if she bothers to get licenses then all your home and food purchases are a tax write-off.

This will also be a great way for your wife to get a feel at taking care of multiple kids all day. Not sure what state you live in, but I know that in NY you can have up to 3 kids without being licensed, but the benefits of getting licenses are soo worth the time.

Obviously you have a say in becoming a new parent or not. However, so close to a miscarriage is not the time to be talking about it and adding financial worry to your plate of burdens.

EDIT: If you have a full-tim job, how can you not have insurance? It is required by law, and with the new healthcare system you qualify for insurance through the government. If you go get a better job - it will come with insurance. And, my husband and I make a combined income of about 25k a year and still qualify for affordable insurance, and have made a reasonable budget that includes enough money for our coming baby. I feel like you may want to talk to someone about the insurance thing, since you have a child that could need a hospital visit for something someday. Good luck.