How to deal with anxiety as step-children go back to their mom?

Question

I am in a wonderful relationship with a man who has two incredible daughters. We have been together for five months. The girls are three and five and I am just as in love with them as I am with him. We get along great. Since he works so much, we only have them every other weekend during the school year. Lately, they have been behaving absolutely awfully when it gets close to time for their mom to pick them up. The older one cries to her dad saying she doesn't want to go with her or picks out her worst clothes to wear back to her moms house because she says her mom with ruin her the pretty things that her dad buys her. It breaks my heart to see them so upset to go with their mother. I have never met the woman and I know there are two sides to every story and relationship but she seems like a pretty bad mom and I do not blame the girls for not wanting to leave the home that they are safe in. How can we alleviate this stress and anxiety that they experience before they have to leave us.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Unfortunately, this is a very common effect on children of divorce. It sounds like the girls have missed their dad and are very fond of you, and I'm not sure the every other weekend is allowing them enough time. Is it possible to arrange for more frequent visits. This may allow the "newness" to wear off sooner instead of later and they may begin to view you as more of a mother figure than the "best friend" that they probably consider you right now.

boystownhotline · Answer

It must be stressful for you and your husband to see the kids struggling like this whenever they have to leave. It's great that you are reaching out to try to resolve this! The children are pretty young and these transitions can be really confusing for them to process. It may be beneficial to try to remain ans calm and positive as you (and your husband) can and not let them see your stress. Talk with them either the night before or the morning that they have to leave so there isn't as much anxiety when it actually happens. They may not have a great grasp on time yet and feel that this change is being sprung on them. There are parenting resources available to talk to you 24/7 and provide some more assistance and maybe some more insight as to how to handle your situation. I wish all the best for you and your family!

FD, counselor

Anonymous · Answer

hey u just answered one of my question and i just wanted to say that i don't want to let her go because i really love her and i want to be with her its just that we have that problem

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How to deal with anxiety as step-children go back to their mom?

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