healthy relationship bonds?

I'm 38, in a relationship with a great 43 year old woman. Been seeing each other for almost 9 months. Where seriously exclusive and talk some about marriage.

However, I don't feel the connection I think we should have this far in the relationship. I'm not asking for passion, rose colored days, I just want to know her better. Instead, she does chat on her smart phone a bit much at all hours of day and night. Maybe she doesn't talk to me as much as she should and we do have a few moments of comfortable silences that happen often. I love her, but I feel like she doesn't love me the same degree. Sex is great, when we do have time together its so good to be with her. So yes also

Its unfortunate that we meet at a time of extreme trails. Her mom is bed bound and requires 24 hour care, she works only to come to work with me after words so that I can take care of her mom the next day. Her dad is not dependable as his memory and reasoning is effected by his age. Her brothers, on works and the other deals with schitzophernia and bi polor disorder.

At the end of the day, I'm left with allot of faith, and the knowledge that its not going to be any different the next day. Do I have unrealistic expectations? Is this a case where patience is key, or do you think this is as good as it gets and I need to adapt a more mature acceptance, or is this all wrong?