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is this sentence correct? can you make it better?

In collaboration with Mrs biggs, planned and prepared a speech afternoon where students presented their biography writing samples to their parents and class.

The above sentence is for a resume.... Am i missing any commas etc.? Can you improve it so it's read more clearly and short for a resume?

Thanks heaps!

2 Answers

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  • 7 years ago

    you have some words missing: In collaboration with Mrs. Biggs, I planned and prepared a speech this afternoon (or maybe 'yesterday afternoon' - you know the answer i dont) when the students presented their biography writing samples to their parents and class.

    Note: so you missed the "I" before planned, the "this" before afternoon and instead of 'where' it should have been 'when' the students presented ...

  • Anonymous
    7 years ago

    That is not a classical full sentence, since it contains no main subject. It is fine for personal notes.

    A resume is formal, thus you should write proper sentences, unless your teacher has told you that 'note form' is acceptable. Note capital letters for names - Mrs Biggs and of course for yourself - " I ", not " i ". You need " I " in front of "planned" to supply the main subject. Has your teacher really not instructed you in such matters?

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