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Someone wants me to pay her back for stuff I didn't ask for and I don't know what to do?
This question is about Greek life so I'll try my best to make it clear
I'm in a sorority and last month we had something called "big/little week" in which the new members are assigned to a big sister and the bigs go crazy buying tons of gifts for their littles. I'm a college student on a budget and I bought as much as I could for my little, but MY "big" (although we aren't that close) thought I didn't buy enough stuff, so she and her roommate (another one of my sisters) went out and bought $60 worth of junk for MY little (my big's roommate paid for it). I thought they just did it to be nice until I was told how much I owe. I didn't ask them to buy anything but they still want me to pay for the stuff.
My big texted me last night telling me her roommate was wondering when I would pay her back. As you can see I've been avoiding the situation for a long time but I'm going to have to face it eventually, so my question is what should I do? Should I just pay the $60 (which I don't have right now but I will for Christmas)? My friends think I shouldn't because I didn't ask them to buy anything, but at the same time I feel like I'm obligated to because I let them give the gifts they bought to my little. I know I shouldn't have if I didn't want to pay for it but they bought A LOT of things and would have been pissed if I asked them to return everything to the store.
Thank you for your answers! And somehow it got back to them that I was stressed that they went out and bought stuff without me asking so I'm pretty sure they know I don't want to pay them back.
3 Answers
- AntstLv 77 years agoFavorite Answer
Are you kidding? Are you sure you want to be part of this group?
I understand how hard it is to be in this kind of situation. You know that these people are going to create drama if you refuse to be extorted for money.
But it is absolutely absurd for them to expect that you will pay them. You did not ask them to get involved. You didn't ask them to pay for anything and you didn't choose what they bought. They took it upon themselves to get involved and to pay for things. They have no right to ask you for money...
UNLESS you were not clear with them when they bought the stuff. If you gave them the impression you would pay when they gave the stuff to your person, then unfortunately, you have to follow through.
If you did not tell them to get involved, then I think you need to see this as an opportunity to learn how to stand up for yourself.
Be straight with them. Tell them calmly, "it was so nice of you to give those gifts to Lisa. I'm sorry, but I can't pay for them. I thought you were choosing to give gifts. It would have been a good idea to check with me first if you wanted me to pay. Unfortunately, I can't."
*******
Reply:
Yes, you are not responsible for the gifts they choose to give other people. If your "big" cared about you, she would not stress you out by criticizing your ability to provide gifts for your person and she wouldn't try to make you pay for her gift-giving.
- PoodieLv 77 years ago
You: "Wow. It was really generous of you to give those gifts to So and So. I'm sure she appreciates them"
Them: "So, when can we expect you to pay us back the money?"
You: "Unfortunately, I didn't ask you to buy those gifts, so I won't be paying for them, but it was nice of you to do."
Them: "But you didn't buy enough. This is your responsibility. You owe us that money."
You: "Will you be going home for winter break, or staying on campus?"
Them: "Money, money, money!"
You: "Have a great break, Ladies. I'll see you later!"
Bottom line- State what is going to happen, and do not engage in an argument. Change the subject or leave. They may be temporarily angry, but they'll respect you, and they won't attempt to take advantage or micromanage you in the future. You can't have sisterhood without respect.
- 7 years ago
Dont pay them back. You owe them nothing and they bought stuff expecting you to pay them back without asking you before doing it. They are asking you to pay them back for money you dont owe which is just stupid. They made the choice to buy that stuff without the promise that they would be paid back.
