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Is this relationship healthy?
First off she's been diagnosed with a personality disorder years ago, she calls it depression though. I found this out half way through the relationship during her first outburst. She got real snarky with me after a fun filled weekend on the river. And demanded I leave her house as she didn't have the spirits to deal with me right now. This happened because on the drive home I wished the river was a bit lower, and she called that 'being negative'. This has so far happened quite a few times, me being demanded to leave. The things that get her to demand me to leave are; me asking 'what', when I didn't hear her while driving, me chewing loudly while famished, me asking about her friends (in a non-interrogative way).
After I get ordered to leave, I feel shitty. Then later I'm yelled at for not spending enough time with her. We work opposite shifts leaving the weekends and lunches open. She tells me that I have to change my schedule to reflect hers, and I really can't do that.
I end up getting more aggravated when I can never seem to make her happy. But then in the same sentence she tells me I'm 'her everything' and that she needs me. I love her and don't want to hurt her but I don't feel like I'm the guy for her.
Last year her brother died of cancer and every day she goes on about how she is so depressed about him dying. She goes on and on about how awful and nasty his last hours were. I suggested to her that she think more about the good times that they had together and she responded that they weren't very close, and infact he was an asshole to her. Which confused me thoroughly.
Right now we're having a break. I told her I couldn't stand to be snapped at randomly about the things that I do. She told me if I didn't want to get snapped at I'd not annoy her. I felt that was abusive tactics and left. I want to go back to her, but at the same time I worry this is just the tip of the iceberg. I would have a life filled with me feeling crappy about who I am.
1 Answer
- 7 years ago
Your reaction seems pretty normal to me. Some people go through things, a lot more than they let anyone know, and if it piles on too deep it comes out to the ones who care about them most. Someone who doesn't know they need some extra help to get through those times will be tough to crack on your own. If you love this girl, which is sounds like you do, maybe get her to talk to someone just let it all out, but always let her know you'll be there for her no matter what. If you love someone you'll be there good and bad. Most people bail when it gets bad, the ones that last make it through all that. Good Luck.