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Is this relationship healthy?
First off she's been diagnosed with a personality disorder years ago, she calls it depression though. I found this out half way through the relationship during her first outburst. She got real snarky with me after a fun filled weekend on the river. And demanded I leave her house as she didn't have the spirits to deal with me right now. This happened because on the drive home I wished the river was a bit lower, and she called that 'being negative'. This has so far happened quite a few times, me being demanded to leave. The things that get her to demand me to leave are; me asking 'what', when I didn't hear her while driving, me chewing loudly while famished, me asking about her friends (in a non-interrogative way).
After I get ordered to leave, I feel shitty. Then later I'm yelled at for not spending enough time with her. We work opposite shifts leaving the weekends and lunches open. She tells me that I have to change my schedule to reflect hers, and I really can't do that.
I end up getting more aggravated when I can never seem to make her happy. But then in the same sentence she tells me I'm 'her everything' and that she needs me. I love her and don't want to hurt her but I don't feel like I'm the guy for her.
Last year her brother died of cancer and every day she goes on about how she is so depressed about him dying. She goes on and on about how awful and nasty his last hours were. I suggested to her that she think more about the good times that they had together and she responded that they weren't very close, and infact he was an asshole to her. Which confused me thoroughly.
Right now we're having a break. I told her I couldn't stand to be snapped at randomly about the things that I do. She told me if I didn't want to get snapped at I'd not annoy her. I felt that was abusive tactics and left. I want to go back to her, but at the same time I worry this is just the tip of the iceberg. I would have a life filled with me feeling crappy about who I am.
3 Answers
- iyamacogLv 77 years agoFavorite Answer
Doesn't sound healthy.......OR happy. She needs to speak with her physician. She may have some serious personality problems, which are quickly becoming YOUR problems.....If fact, she may be on meds which are not doing her much good........♥♥
- YoginiLv 67 years ago
I know my last partner who I loved very much had a personality disorder. He has very deep seated issues about his childhood and abuse sustained there. His rage and his pushing me away and his finally walking away for the millionth time was horrible. I am still recovering from the emotional toll it took on me. I haven't quite found my footing yet. They need to be in counseling with a person who specializes in personality disorders. And you'd need help with your own counselor to help you deal with her behavior. My Mom has a personality disorder which is untreated and it is hell. My ex was hell even though I loved him and still do. They will drag the life out of you. Active therapy for both of you or no go. Trust me when I tell you that the abuse I went through was not worth what I'm going through now to get over it. I thought I could help him. I couldn't.
- LizLv 77 years ago
You want to go back to her??? Why??? Seriously, I read your entire post twice and I could not find a single good reason why a sane person would wish themselves back in that mess that you've just escaped. Run, and keep on running.