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The Dawn Of Hope

Chapter 1- Unfamiliar Evils

Sweet dreams are made of this,

Who am I to disagree?

Travel the world and the seven seas,

Everybody's looking for something,

Some of them want to use you,

Some of them want to get used by you,

Some of them want to abuse you,

Some of them want to be abused.

Sweet Dreams (Cover) By Emily Browning

The Dawn of Hope- Chapter 1- Familiar Evils, Sucker Punch fanfiction

I sat cross-legged on my bed, staring right into the silver-blue night. My hands are shaking. My breathing is heavy. My eyes flickered all around my sparse room and glanced at the timbered floor, my baby blue walls and the severed cupboards. Oh gosh, why did we have to move. I ask myself, and suddenly tears well up in my eyes. I used to be happy, you see. But because of that horrible, horrible thing that happened to me a few years ago, I was never the same again.

It all started when I was about 16, and I was meant to take my little sister, Elizabeth to the shop to get some groceries for my mom and dad, when I saw them. There were two excessively tall men, who seemed to silhouette against the nocturnal sky. The only difference about them was that they were different skin tones- one was white, and one was black. Their expressions were dull, their mouths drooping like a broken lily. Their clothes didn’t match their face and expressions at all, instead of a dull outfit, they were wearing oddly colourful suits. But a second later, their dull expression turned into a smile.

“Well, hello,” the dark man said, “I’m afraid we’re a little lost, do you think you can help us?”

I take a deep breath, still holding Elizabeth behind me. “N-no, we’re not allowed to talk to strangers,” I said coldly, taking Elizabeth’s hand and walking off.

“That’s where you’re wrong, BabyDoll.” I froze. That wasn’t my name, and it never will be!

I turned around, giving them a death glare. “That’s not my name. It never will be.” I was fuming. How dare these men come to us, ask us for help and call me a name that isn’t mine?

The light man took a step forward, and we took a step back. Then they both took a step forward, and we took two steps back. They looked at each other, exchanged smirks and a nod and looked at me. “Where you going, sweetheart?” One of the men said in a velvety voice

I say nothing. I close my eyes for a moment, to stand my ground, and look back at both the men. “I said, where you going?”

My blood boiled in rage, and anger couldn’t cover all that I felt. I couldn’t control myself. My cheeks flushed and my eyes sparkled with such exasperation, that I completely forgot where I was, and used my knee to kick one of them right into the trousers.

The man gasped, and fell to his knees in pain, writhing in agony. Suddenly, he locked eyes on me, gave a snarl and stood up. I knew what this meant. We need to get away. Now.

“Elizabeth, run!” I shouted.

3 Answers

Relevance
  • Anonymous
    7 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    Thats pretty good, but i cant really get what a lot of what the story is going to be about, from a little chapter, its really good though. Just remember to use your own words, and not try to be all "holy" sometimes, your a really good writer! :)

    Source(s): Have been teached how to write stories and poems for 3 years
  • ?
    Lv 6
    7 years ago

    I always like youngsters to put pen to paper(so to speak) and try their hand at writing. Have come across some potentially good future 'authors' on this site alone.

    You have some very good descriptives, but they do not gel together. Nor does the initial story line. Sorry, but I have to give you a 2 at this point. Keep working on your writing though. The best authors started out with plenty of rejections. Perseverance!!

    PS To 'Laura' who commented......Honey, if you have been "teached" how to write......' you seriously need to get another teacher! One that know the English language and how to use it!

  • Anonymous
    7 years ago

    sounds pretty good to me.

    I guess I would want it to be a little more catchy. It doesn`t make me want to keep reading THAT much.

    It`s kind of short, but then again, no one will read a long chapter on yahoo answers.

    8.5 out of 10

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