Is this an online affair or just a mistake?

You've both had affairs. You have both engaged in inappropriate sexual congress, with people outside your marriage, and seemingly without the permission of your partner. Your wife is kidding herself if she doesn't think role-playing sex with other people isn't 'sex'. It is real sexual intimacy with another person, and it's not something she should be seeking out, outside of her marriage.

If you want to stay married, you need to get into therapy. Your marriage is not healthy - especially if your wife is still bringing up your infidelity more than a decade later, and has not been fully honest with you about meeting men offline.

Ok, I read it all and i think I got it.

Basically, you madeout with another woman while you were married to your wife, your wife knows, and ever since then, the marriage in her eyes, has not been the same. Your wife doesn't see you in the same light she did when she first got married to you. You cheated on her and she hasn't really gotten over that.

She is doing all this online stuff, just to "get back" at you for what you did to her, she feels like it will only be ok if she can somehow "get even" with you for what you did to her.

The fact that for 8 solid years she would still bring up that kiss you shared with another woman, means she can't let it go and it's mentally eating away at her.

Most people don't forgive infidelity, they might say they forgive, but since they can never forget it, they will always be resentful of this fact and the relationship will never be the same. She has lost respect for you and doesn't see anything wrong with chatting online with other men, she does this to hurt you the way you hurt her. She doesn't want to leave you because even though you cheated on her, she still loves you, it's a love and hate thing she feels for you.

EDIT :Basically, you just need to tell her that you don't want to share her attention with other men. You want her for yourself, and that you are sorry, so sorry that you ever kissed another woman all those years ago.

You have to understand that women remember everything and they may say "it's fine" but it really isn't, it hurt her badly. Understand ? You have to apologize to her and show her how much you love her. Got it ? Good.

Did it ever occur to you to be a good and faithful husband to your wife, spend more time with her, rather than associate with this chicky who is having some kind of online relationship with two guys? You were cheating on your wife btw. Honestly, it sounds like you're more interested in her than your wife. What the hell are you doing socializing with her anyway? Why the hell do you care what this other girl does with her online social life?

Online affairs = mistakes

um...it's an affair. kissing is cheating also. you guys need to sit down and define what cheating and infidelity is as a couple because it appears as if you are both utterly ignorant.

My dear friend, you have not cheated on her so you are in clear but yes your wife has cheated on you deliberately so on her part it is not a mistake but pure cheating. Period.