My dad passed and I need to figure out how to gain appointment to handle remains?

I am so sorry about your dad. I have no real answers, just suggestions. I would think contacting a local funeral parlor in the city/county/state where he died, not where he lived, would know better what you would need to do locally. As he is being cremated, it's not like you are going to ship the body back home.

Sounds like you all have a good relationship with his girlfriend. You mentioned the difficulty with some siblings being overseas, but if he did not leave behind a will, perhaps you can all sign notarized Quit Claim Deeds giving her the house, and perhaps give her a specific and limited power of attorney to act on your behalves to handle your dad's estate. You need to research the probate laws of AZ to see what applies to your father's estate based on the value of the home and his other assets, and whether it has to go through probate court or not, and what the heirs are liable for depending on the value of the assets remaining. An appraisal of the house will have to be made based on the value at the date of death. You probably should contact an AZ probate lawyer, at least for a consultation.

As for the reverse mortgage, someone needs to notify the lender. You will have 6 months to either refinance the house or sell it. If you are having difficulty selling or refinancing but are making a good faith effort to do so, you may be able to get up to two 3-month extensions, for a total of one year. Unfortunately, the lender will need documentation of some sort authorizing who they can speak to, like a POA. Your father should have been getting monthly or quarterly statements to give you some idea of what the balance is. If there is equity in the home, the girlfriend / family may want to go through the process of selling it for as much as possible in order to pay off the loan as the lender would only sell it for the appraised value, which is not always market value. Heads up that the loan will continue to accrue interest until it is paid off. If the girlfriend lived with your dad and wants to keep the home, she is going to have to get a loan in her own name in order to pay it off, if she qualifies. If she is over 62, maybe she can get her own reverse mortgage, assuming there is enough equity in the home for it to make sense. Otherwise, she should start planning to move out. If the home is not worth enough to cover the loan balance, you all may want to consider signing a Deed in Lieu of Foreclosure giving title / ownership to the lender and they will take charge of selling it at a loss. I can't speak about any other debt he may have had, but a reverse mortgage is a non-recourse loan which means that none of you, including the girlfriend, are liable for the reverse mortgage and the lender cannot go after any other asset your father may have except the home for repayment. Good luck.

maybe contact a funeral home, best of luck.