Never happy.?

So for a long time now i have been struggling with depression and suicidal thoughts. It was so bad that i stopped going to school so i fell behind and almost had to redo a year which made how i felt even worse. I did actually pass though and i thought that would help me alot and things where going to get better because i was going to start a new school that focuses on what i love which is art.

But quickly after the summer holidays started i was once again drowning in my crippling depression. I dont know why, i mean i have a pretty normal life, good friends, not a very good family but nothing crazy or anything. I dont know why i feel like this and i really want it to stop.

I think it could be because all of the dissapointment i feel towards humanity haha, yes i realize that it sounds stupid but still.

I always manage to find something to be depressed over. And its not just little depression i get suicidal too.

Dont know what to do, afraid i will actually do something stupid soon.