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I need help sorting out my feelings with boyfriend. Feeling crazy. Need advice/insight?
So this is going to be kind of long. I just need input/advice/insight anything, as I don't really have anyone to talk to.
The other week I got angry at my boyfriend over the phone, it was over a stupid reason. Later that night I broke down crying because of how angry I got. I couldn’t find peace. I locked myself in my car for hours and then I finally called him and asked if we could talk because I needed help. I didn’t think he would, but he showed. I confided in him and told him I felt like I was crazy. Because of how angry I got. And the way my life is right now. I can’t grasp any control right now. I told him I was really sad for how I treat him sometimes, and sometimes I can be manipulative. And I told him I finally decided to move back because I don’t have any friends out here. I think after I told him all of this, he trusted me even more, or loved me even more, or something. He wanted to stay the night with me. This whole week has been perfect, no fighting, trust hanging out and having good times. He held me and kissed me even more. And it made me feel more comfortable with him. I exposed myself to him and he is still here for me, more than he ever was.
Well last night wasn’t so perfect. He stayed over and I couldn’t sleep. I was stressed all day about school. I was restless. I was bored. Because the last couple of days I would only see him at night and he was tired so we would just be in my bed. My mind was too active. He asked me what was wrong and I told him why. And then he was kind of unresponsive, tired, sounded annoyed. And then I said fine, we don’t have to talk about it, just go to sleep. And it got quiet, and I got more upset
because he would just let me sleep when I’m upset. So impulsively, I told him the first thing I could think of on my mind that bothered me. “It hurts me that I’m usually the one that says, “I love you,” and he replies with, “I don’t feel like I have to say it as often as you do” and “well you’re leaving soon.”
A lot of the time he maybe thinks I’m attacking him or telling him what he’s doing wrong, because of how I approach things.
Ex: “you do this, you do that…”
When I am just trying to tell him how I feel, and give him an example of what he does to make me feel that way.
An example of this… “It hurts when you don’t say I love you first.”
And then he acts annoyed or like I am attacking him.
I asked him if hewas relieved I was leaving/this was over. He said, “relieved isn’t the right word.” What??
I told him I still wanted to make things work even when I move and he doesn’t want to. I can understand why. But I just felt like we built a strong foundation and it’s finally getting better, that if he really did love me he would want to make it work no matter what, right?
He said something that really hurt me. I asked why it couldn’t work and he said, “you know why.” I really didn’t, and asked why. He said because I was unstable.
Because I was unstable. Right when he said that, so much was going through my mind. I felt very hurt. He thinks I’m unstable. I know I am sensitive, and I have being going through an especially hard time lately, and trying to make this relationship work/breaking up so often makes me feel crazy. I guess I would say I’m unstable right now. But that’s the reason why he doesn’t want to be with me. I took offense to it and figured he just thought I was an unstable person in general, and he said that
1 Answer
- 7 years ago
and he said that was not the case.
And then we went to bed because he was so tired. I told him, “I thought you didn’t want to be with anyone else.” And he said he didn’t. And that was that. That was last night.
And the end of it all I can’t be angry at him. But it does make me feel bad about myself. I love him a lot. He is the only person I’ve been with that has never tried to verbally hurt me purposely. He’s kind and sweet and I’m just, crazy I guess. I’m used to being with guys that kind of “need” me. I used to feel in control.
Those are my thoughts. That I need sorted out. I don’t really have anyone to talk to. Can anyone give me advice/insight?