What do I do if I can't drop the charges during the court hearing but I want to dismiss the case eitherway?

David assumes that the hearing you are involved with has to do with a violation of the restraining order. If he is right, then it is correct that you have no power to prevent the prosecution, you are not the plaintiff, though some prosecutors will take the "victim's" desires into account. (I do disagree with David's discussion to some extent--often criminal prosecutions do more harm than good to a personal relationship.) Moreover, the alleged victims of domestic violence charges have more rights than other witnesses if they decide they do not wish to testify. You should discuss that with an attorney.

If you are referring to a hearing in the action in which the restraining order was issued, you need only tell the court that you feel no need to have the restraining order continued. You don't have to have any reason for that (though you might be asked why). You are the plaintiff and do control that litigation.

It has nothing to do with what you want and everything to do with what he did, Charges are brought by the state, not the victim.

It is not at all uncommon for a victim of domestic violence to want to drop the charges. However it is in the best interest of the state (and the victim, but they often do not see it) to punish the offender.

I recommend counseling to help you understand why his actions are not appropriate.