Is It legal to hire ANYONE besides an expensive health care worker.. to remove a lump from under your skin?

What you are talking about is so dangerous. Without knowing what that lump is, I'd caution like heck not to have some stranger just cut it out of you. If it's a tumor and they cut it slightly wrong,... bang... you're dead.

I'd do it myself but I cant reach it.. to avoid legal liability looks like i'll have to find someone in a bar who I will never see again and have never seen before.. I can bring the razor and alcohol. Or I can just ignore it and hope for the best. Or I could walk into the den of thieves itself and pray they don't see me as a perpetual paycheck instead of as a human being who really can't afford this.

No, they would be committing a crime.. And it's dangerous. You should have insurance, which will cover it. In addition, you should have it analyzed to make sure it isn't cancer. You don't know what it is attached to and it's likely to involve a lot of bleeding. or tendons or muscles that can be seriously damaged.

By law, you are supposed to have health insurance. Since you pay for that, you might as well use it.

If they don't have a medical license I wouldn't say its llegal, but it would be the dumbest thing you could have done to yourself and to ask of someone. If you have a tumor that needs to be removed it needs to be done in a hospital, by a doctor. Hospital do have financial aid to help those who cannot pay and in most cases you don't have to pay it back.

Oh my. It may seem like a good idea in theory, but I promise things will not go the way you think they will. Trust me. Just don't.

To hire? no

To perform medical procedures without a license? yes.