Relationship smoker with nonsmoker, arguments ?

Question

Just had an argue with my girlfriend about smoking. It wasn't yelling and fighting, other than i got terribly disappointed.

We agreed she will stop smoking 3 months ago, she was moderate smoker. She made a promise.
I can she she definitely stopped buying cigarettes, but she keeps on asking her friends for cigarette + asking for smoke if someone lights.

I tried to ignore it, but today she really smoked in front of me. And i told her how i felt, and she promised again she will stop..but she is really angry i can feel it.

Is my request so hard? I want to put myself in smokers perspective but i cant. Would you stop smoking for someone? Can i suspect in her love for me if she continues to smoke after some period of time?  
It is not anymore about smoking as it is about trust and i feel disappointed. I told her and i tell everyone, im willing to go to extremes to show how much i love her, but i have hard character ...and she cant even leave smoking for me.

Now i feel terrible as i don't know whats going on trough her head, she keeps saying "its ok" but i feel her angry, i feel that passive aggression and unsatisfaction.

MM · Accepted Answer

Smoking is an addiction.  Even if she genuinely wanted to do this for her own sake and not just because you want her to, it's not as simple for most people as just saying "Okay, I'm done now" and never touching a cigarette again.  She'd probably have off days and lapses, and you'd need to stay supportive and not take that as a reflection on how she feels about you.

That said, if it's that difficult for someone who wants to quit, it's impossible for someone who deep down really doesn't.  And your girlfriend doesn't.  You're dating a smoker.  You need to decide whether you can live with that, or let her go and find someone who shares your attitude toward smoking.  But trying to change her or guilt her based on what you've done for her is a losing proposition.

Bob · Answer

She doesn't want to quit smoking. If you want to be with her, you will need to accept the fact she's a smoker.

marcella · Answer

My boyfriend argues wit me the whole time over smoking , so now I don't smoke around him anymore I go outside and he seems to happy wit that, she should try that

? · Answer

It's difficult to quit to be if she's not even making the effort then that's a bit selfish of her

Anonymous · Answer

lose all hope ppl who smoke usually lie to their partners just so you can stick around

Trending News

Relationship smoker with nonsmoker, arguments ?

5 Answers