Need advice on trying to get my wife back?

Anyone's head would be messed up bad.

Since you have been together 9 years, I assume her ex is from at least 10 years ago? That is a long time.

She might be a person who finds a total commitment to one man hard to live with. Inner fears or doubts or restlessness would make her a poor candidate for a long term bond unless she gets some good counseling.

Or....some issues came up for her in your time together that she doesn't know how to communicate about or deal with, so she is reverting to an earlier time(and person) to cope with her uncomfortable feelings.

You don't mention the age of your child, but I am assuming roughly 1 year old. If she has been the primary caregiver for the baby, and this is her first child, I have to say the demands of motherhood can drive some women to want to break away. We see this sometimes in post partum depression.

If I were you I would carry on calmly with life, going to work, taking very good care of baby-- please focus on your child because this is painfully confusing for him/her. Put your worry on the back burner. She is working something out the best way she knows. Express a concern for her own inner peace and happiness with her life. Offer help to get counseling for her. I would not pressure her in any way--- I don't see how that would be helpful. It can be a mistake to take charge and become assertive and give ultimatums---- it is much harder to develop some patience and inner confidence and strength and wait to see how it unfolds. She does have a child with you, and you have 9 years together. Be the good man you have been through the years, not a demanding, jealous fellow who is trying to control both her life and yours.

I do hope this works out for all of you. You are a sincere and patient man and I hope your good instincts about this will be rewarded.

It's going to be pretty painful after breaking up with someone you love so much. It's inevitable that you're going to feel very down, sad and depressed. Sometimes it seems you spend every waking moment thinking about how to get your ex back. Try to visit this site in order to get the best benefit out of it https://tr.im/EP3fd

Do a simple search, and you're bound to find a plethora of information, with a whole host of different opinions, sometimes seemingly off opposing viewpoints. To focus in on something that's going to help you, the first thing you think about is establishing some common courtesy.

First off, NEVER play mind games with people. This will only get people hurt and will probably end up worsening the situation. I only mention this because naturally people are ruled by their emotions rather than thinking their actions through thoroughly. Think the situation through before doing things based on your emotions. Remember, even if you do manage to get people to do what you want, this amounts to manipulation, and however good you feel now, I guarantee it won't last very long.

You're real selfish and that probably will not change. The only reason you told her, is because you felt bad about it. If your woman suspects you're cheating and confronts you with it, DON'T LIE. DON'T EVER EVER EVER LIE. If we ask you, it's because we already know. If you LIE, now you're in even more trouble than just about the cheating, because now you're a cheat AND you're a liar. If she doesn't suspect, and doesn't confront you with it, and doesn't ask you about it, DON'T EVER EVER EVER tell her. She doesn't know, she doesn't suspect, and she doesn't NEED to know, it will just hurt her if you tell her, because now you took her by surprise. But if she ever asks you..... you better tell the truth. The lying is the worst. But now you've told her, and now she knows, so now you must face whatever comes next. You will need to "prove" yourself to her, for a long time to come. You'll be ready for it to be over, long before it will be "over" for HER. If you want to keep her, you're just going to have to hold steady and just face whatever happens. Don't leave, don't lie, and don't, whatever you do, DON'T ever do it again. If you do it again, that's a pattern, and if there's a pattern, we lose hope that you will ever change and be a trustworthy partner to us, and we will walk. Ask her what it will take, for her to forgive you. If she says, "I get to do the same thing to YOU", tell her "No". That's not how the two of you are going to put your marriage back together again, and two wrongs don't make a right, so her "getting back at you" by cheating on YOU, is not an option. However, tell her you are open to some counselling, so that she can work out all that anger she has. Tell her you'll do ANYTHING to put the marriage back together again. And then YOU need to figure out, why you cheated on her in the first place. Are you bored? Are you scared of growing up? Does this other woman mean something to you? Only YOU can answer those questions. In the meantime, go get tested for STD's. There's more swimming around out there than you think, and you might have caught something from this other woman and you don't even know it (and don't tell me, "Oh, I don't have any 'symptoms' ", because that doesn't mean anything. You still might have something.

Not so much how to win her back as it is that you need to stop playing this game with her as shes got the best of oth worlds here. By playing her game just eggs her on and she will never stop so time is here to stop this and be a man here and step up and giver her an ultimatum here that she has to choose now either him or you but no longer both and stand tall here and don't give in as if you do she owns you and PW comes to mind if you know what that means. If she chooses her ex then divorce her and move on and don't look back as this isn't good for anyone involved here so its your turn to bat. Now if she chooses you with no hidden crossed fingers, then work on how to get your marriage back on the ground but not til youre absolutely sure shes back and not playing more games. The only problem is its so easy to fall back into this rut real quick. Good luck

She's walking all over you. She wants the best of both worlds. I went through something similar with my now ex wife. You are in a rough position and I completely appreciate that you want to save your family at all costs. I was you. However, trying yo be nice and win her back is going to cost you your self esteem. She is not behaving like a married woman and while you try to win her back, she will lose respect for you. You are enabling..if not rewarding her bad behavior.

You need to deliver an ultimatum. Tell her you love her and are willing to go to therapy and work things. Tell her that her behavior is unacceptable and that she needs to get her priorities straight. Tell her that she needs to start acting like a mother and a wife and go no-contact with her ex or you will be filing for a divorce and she will only see her kid 50% of the time and you'll find a real mother and wife for you and your kid.

Focus on you and your kid.

She is a loser, playing mind games and you should look up Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Narc's cheat and they don't love anyone, look it up, before you date ever again. Don't put women all in one category, some women are sick in the head, other's aren't.

There was red flags that you must of seen before it got to this point, next time, don't ignore these gut feelings there is a reason for them.

Don't wait this out, because all she will do is pass you a STD or a crotch full of herpes then what are you going to do?

I'm so sorry to hear that bro. I hope you don't mind to ask you if you really feel the love from her? Is she really loves you that much like before? As what you've said, she slept with her EX. so I guess she still love him and you're just an option now. She stays with you because you're have lovely children, She stayed because of the memories you've been through for 9 years. And also ask yourself, what are the things she was thinking why she wants to separated with you.

I don't know if you can win her back at all. How can anyone tell you what will bring her back, when we don't know what took her away?

I will tell you this much: women don't want a man they can't respect. A man who lets his wife go back and forth between him and another man is _not_ earning her respect. Tell her she has to make a choice. She can have either one of you, but she can't have you both.

And start taking steps to protect your kid. You need to try for custody, if it comes to that, so she can't go dragging the kid from one "daddy" to another as the whim strikes her.

I can't blame you for being confused with what's going on with your lives. You wife is literally hanging on to you both, which sure isn't fair to you her husband. You two very badly NEED Professional help with your marriage. I've sure done my fare share of counselling over the yrs., believe in it 100%. Let her know you're making an apt. with a counselor, tell her you'd appreciate if she'd go with you. Let her know you ARE going with or without her & GO. I mean this seriously. Even if she refuses to go, please for your own sake GO. You WILL get the help you need & what direction to go in. No one can tell you what to do but someone who knows all aspects of a marriage. Mine sure did & everything he said was "rite on". Don't put it off, do it ASAP & start the ball rolling. Hopefully you'll get your marriage straightened out with success, you'll live a life of loving happiness. DO IT...best to you...:)

Here's some advise.....She is f......with your head.....Time to leave, it's over. BYE FELICIA! Let her go have her ex apparrently she's messed up because he wouldn't be her EX if there wasn't a problem which indicates she likes to be in the problematic society. Your better than that sure you will always love her, but it's never going to work out if it hasn't already and with that I mean her and her ex so you need to cut your loses and move on.