going through divore, when I talk to her she says I'm making it all about me. how do I make it about her?

Stop making it about anybody. You're getting divorced -- deal with it and move on. Next time don't take a woman for granted.

You make it about her by listening to how your behavior caused her to feel and discuss how to fix that. You saying "I acted inappropriately because I was bored" or whatever your reason was, does make it about you. It's you making excused for your inappropriate behavior instead of saying something like "I'm sorry I took attention I should have been giving you, and gave it to other women. I should have discussed my feelings with you and talked about how to change things, rather than seeking attention elsewhere. It would hurt me a lot if you did that, so I know it wasn't right to do it to you" (or something along those lines, showing you understand how she feels and that you recognize your behavior was not okay for a married man.

When the trust is gone it's extremely hard to go back.

For all you know, what she is saying is just an excuse to blow you off .. and there is nothing you can do.

You think that if you just say it the right way she will change her mind and cancel the divorce?

Not so.

She made up her mind to divorce you before she said a word or took the first step. It is a done deed in her mind.

Sorry.

I would suggest you get a bit of counseling in order to learn the cognitive tools for making this adjustment which you did not want, but cannot change.

Clue in here. She doesn't care about your apologies or your explanations any more. That you are continuously talking to other woman means that you've never really been sorry for your actions or understood that they are a violation to your marriage. She got tired of it and is over it. Talking isn't going to help you here. All you can do is take direct actions to show her that you've changed. That means you need to go to counseling regarding your issues and figure out how to change yourself. Then you need to show her every day (even if you aren't living together, even if she isn't talking to you) that you've changed with your actions, every day. It probably won't work, but neither is what you are currently doing.

"I'm currently going through a divorce which I do not want but she does"

Dude, it takes 110% effort from both partners to maintain a marriage. If somebody wants a divorce, then getting divorced is NEVER the wrong decision, in that scenario. You don't go from "I want a divorce" to "happily married". You can't get there from here.

Your question is moot. How do you beat a dead horse? The marriage is OVER. You want to know how to talk to your ex wife? Don't talk to her. Listen to her. She has a thing or two to teach you about how you f*cked up your marriage, irreversibly. Learn from that so you don't repeat your mistakes in your next marriage.

You might want to start talking about how she feels after what you did, and how you're sorry she feels betrayed and has had to lose her trust in you.

Girls are never please so I say **** it