What do you guys think?

Question

My boyfriend and I were talking, and I made a joke about me going crazy, and he said he would leave me. When I looked offended, he was like "well we have only been together three months, its not like its been a year or we are married". I feel like he views me as an investment, like views are relationship with logic instead of emotion. Should I feel this way? Also, while we may have only been together three months, we have known each other four years. What should I do and how should I handle his comment? I tried to ignore it but its driving me crazy.

? · Accepted Answer

i think he does not care about you --- if he did he would not say something so hurtful ---- he is not even a very good friend

davester1970 · Answer

It is your fault for joking about going crazy or having a mental illness.  How do you know that this guy in question hasn't dated a head case before getting with you?

If I were in your guy's shoes, I would think about leaving you for joking about going nuts.  I have dated women who had mental illnesses that went untreated.  My last relationship was with a woman who was manic.  I would rather join a monastery than to go through that ever again!

Anonymous · Answer

It takes a normal, psychologically well-balanced man at least 12 months of dating before he knows if he is serious about a girl or not.
Of course, no one in their right mind is going to stay with an insane person ... we all want to be happy and an insane spouse makes us UN-happy.

Of course he views you like an "investment" of sorts.
We all stay in relationships ONLY as long as WE are happy in it, and OUR needs are being met. Mind you, if we have been happy in it and things change, we will often continue to invest our love, hopes and time to try to bring that relationship around so that we are happy again. But sooner or later, everyone bails out is their needs are not being met.

3 months is not long at all. Even psychologically-health women take about 6 months to become serious about a guy.
At 3 months you both SHOULD BE still in the "checking it out" phase ... just getting to know who the other person really is by observing how they react to life challenges and how they treat OTHER people. This process actually takes a couple of years to complete.
What is YOUR rush?
Perhaps you don't understand that love does not "fix" our life or make us happy ..yes the initial temporary infatuation phase can be quite heady and exciting, but once it dies out we go back to being NO happier than we were before we even met the person.

Don't rush things. All you do by trying to grasp at a relationship is to usually end up with someone you regret getting together with.

And yes, men are not like women.  They do not make relationships the center of their life the way women do, and most men are far more logical about relationships than women are.
Really .. if you want to be in love with a woman, a man is not your best bet.

How should you handle his comment?
Examine YOUR need to be important, your need to use other's approval of you as a substitute for your own self-esteem issues.
Really, his comment was most appropriate, sane, and realistic. It is only your need to feel special, special because someone else thinks your are special, that makes you upset over this.

I am a woman, btw.  Happily married for over 25 years .. but not because I needed my husband's approval to make me feel good about myself.

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What do you guys think?

3 Answers