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Why is he showing this kind of affection after ending friends with benifits?
So my best friend and I finally opened up about our feelings two months ago. Ive been madly in love with this kind for almost 2 years. Hes everything I wanted. When we opened up he told me he wanted something but not yet because he was working 2 summer jobs and he wanted to be sure he had time for me. We both agreed it wasnt our time for a relationship. I stayed at his house for 2 weeks while I was going through some family issues and we ended up having sex. I gave him oral a few times to(sadly i didnt recieve it back lol). What i found weird was he never kissed me, not on the lips, no where, and weve never made out. We slept together every night and cuddled and had pillow fights and we seemed really happy together. But once we were with out friends he acted as nothing more but a friend to me. Eventually, last week I told him what we were doing condradicts my self worth and that we need to be just friends. I could tell that his intentions for me were different than what he claimed them to be.I could tell he didnt want a relationship, and he just wanted to be friends with benifits. I agreed to being fwb with him only because im extremely attracted to him. Once I told him we need to stay friends he just said okay and didnt seem to be very effected by it. My friends and i came to his house for a little party the other night and i spent the night because i got locked out of my house. Everyone left at 5 am and him and i were sitting in the basement together watching spongebob.
i had to continue this on because i couldnt type any longer. Basically, he started throwing pillows at me so we started goofing around with one another and he was constantly coming off his couch to the one i was laying down at and would sit behind my head where I was laying. Eventually he asked me to cuddle and I gave in and said yea. when we were cuddling he started kissing my neck and my forehead a few times. It was affection ive never gotten before. and he started holding my hand
Hes never held my hand before either, our cuddling usually would turn out into something sexual in the past but this time all he did was hold me and show me the affection I like to recieve from a guy, rather than all the sexual things. I dont understand what hes trying to do right now. I dont know if he maybe realized he wants me or if hes just sneaking his way back in. How come he kissed me for the first time(even if it wasnt on the lips) and whyd he hold my hand the first time?I dont get it
3 Answers
- KherovaLv 76 years ago
From the begining he was keeping a certain amount of distance so his feelings wouldn't develop. Doesn't mean he doesn't have them, he just has a clamp on them so he doesn't have to let them get bigger and have it be inconvenient/painful for him. His head is overpowering his heart. I'm sure he does feel something, but it's being gagged deep down. You however don't have this luxury, and have let your heart run wild for a long time. Ironically, that is making him put up a wall even more. He senses the difference in where you both are at/want to be right now, and has that wall up to protect you from getting too hurt too. That is also a sign he cares, if he didn't, he would lead you on. The thing you can't know, is if he was free to let his emotions be whatever they would be, if they would be enough for you. No one can say until it happens (if it happens). That is one of the things that sucks about timing not being right, it can screw up the natural expression of things. Stop trying to figure out what he really feels, and listen to only what he says. The investment your heart has made is going to be looking for signs of the thing you want, and twist it up with fear of being made a fool of. You won't see the situation straight, combined with the fact that even if you did see it straight, you still couldn't know what is in his mind, or in his heart. If he SAYS I'm not ready now, that is what you should listen to. Get an idea of when he thinks that might change, and he would be able to see if there might be more or not. Then you have to decide what to do until then. Best thing would be take him off the table and date others until then so you stop building up this huge balloon of desire and expectations that may become so much that it never aligns with him even if he does eventually start to open up. But the heart wants what the heart wants, so ultimately if you can't do that, forgive yourself, and process the pain the best you can.
- 6 years ago
Unfortunately, for some guys sex is just sex. Sounds like this guy got bored with you after he got what he wanted. You have the right to be treated with dignity and respect; and if you're feeling crappy after what happened maybe it's time to let him go. There are plenty of fish in the sea, as they often say....
- ?Lv 46 years ago
I think he stated what he wanted to be friends, due to his lack of time, however, having sex doesn't just happen- you made a conscience decision to cross the line, when you spent the night. If he keeps you in the friend-zone, it might be that he thinks you move too fast and don't stick to your plan of action.
