I use to cut myself, was I depressed as a child?

Question

I'm 17 now, but Around when I was 6, I tore up my hand with a safety pin. I think I just thought it looked cool. Then when I was a little older, I cut my hands with pocket knives, but not very deeply. I don't have a great memory, so I can't remember if I was sad during that period, but I do know I started scaring myself, so I locked my knives away and stopped after that. I think I cried that day. I'm trying to figure out if I just went through a "wannabe emo" stage or something. I mean I never dressed like I was or told anyone I "cut." So it couldn't have been for attention. Unless, I subconsciously wanted to tell people about it years later like at the age I am now, which I have still yet to do. A couple years ago, I also compulsively decided to drag my forearm across the top of a barbed wire fence (again, not deeply but I have some very light scarring from it). I did like the way it looked. Like a bear attacked me. Idk if I'm crazy and I just somehow like cuts, if it's for attention (which idk how it could be because I again, I don't tell people these things), or what. I don't think I've ever seriously considered comitting suicide. Any thoughts?

More details if you want, people talked at school today about their self harming for suicide awareness week and now I have the urge to cut myself and idk why. I haven't thought about it in a while. I'm not really sad. Not nearly enough to want to end my life either.

boystownhotline · Answer

Self-harm in general is important to take seriously, especially when it involves cutting. There are many reasons why people may want to hurt themselves. Things may seem overwhelming to you and cutting could be a way to cope with the hurt, the pain or as in a psychological pain.  I encourage you to think about positive ways to cope with stress. Activities like working out, journaling, listening to music, meditation, sports, or reading a book can help you relax and get your mind off these thoughts. Consider talking with a trusting friend or adult about your behaviors and encourage you to seek out strategies like these, if possible. 
Sometimes it can help to talk to someone and tell them about what you are going through. Please know that there are people who can and will help you with what you are going through. 
Another option could also be to reach out to a professional, like a counselor or therapist. They can work with you to work through these feelings and to help you feel better. 
There are many hotlines that are 24/7 and will work with you and situations like yours. Some even have email and/or chat if you would prefer. Hopefully, you will continue to reach out! 
If you are really concerned for your safety or think that you may be considering suicide in cutting, it is important to get help by either going to a hospital or even calling 911 if you need immediate help. 
Whatever you plan to do, please keep reaching out and take care! 
Take Care, 
NK, Counselor

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I use to cut myself, was I depressed as a child?

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