I have a crush on her but I'm afraid...?

Hi there!

It sounds like you have two questions you are struggling with: 1) whether or not to tell her your feelings, and 2) how to best move on.

First of all, just go ahead and ask her out. Nothing too involved, just coffee or a walk in the park or whatever easy thing that she would enjoy. Because, my friend, here is the absolute worst thing that can happen if you ask her out: she says no.

As I read your question, you were giving all these reasons why you think you should give up before you even try: you think she has a boyfriend, you don't think you're good enough for her, you're afraid you might disappoint her.

Why not let her decide for herself? Ask her out. Be polite. If she says she's busy, ask if there is a time or activity that would work better for her. If she really isn't interested, she'll let you know. And that is your real worst-case scenario: she's not interested. But you don't know until you try! Give her a chance to make up her mind. Don't decide for her by removing yourself without saying a word.

If she does say no or otherwise indicates that she is not interested in dating with you, is being her friend simply not an option? I have male friends that I'd like to date, but they are not interested. We're still friends. I have male friends who would like to date me, but I'm not interested in them. We're still friends too. It is totally possible.

If friendship is too painful, that's okay too. If she says no and you need to move on, there are as many ways to heal a heart as there are hearts to heal. In reading your question, it sounds like you don't think very highly of yourself. You say that you are not a great person, you are not that successful or smart. Why? You are smart enough to ask a question when you need help. You are successful enough to have access to the internet and smart enough to use it. Luck may have helped you get a job, but it's your effort that helps you keep the job.

Maybe start by working on your self-esteem. Some people do well working with their friends, some people do well on their own, some people do better with a trained counselor. Sometimes family can help, but sometimes family is also the source of the low self-esteem. In any case, ask yourself some questions like:

-What is something that I am really good at?

-Am I proud of that? If not, why? Can I give myself permission to be proud of that?

-What did I love to do as a kid that I don't do anymore? Can I go do it now?

-Who do I enjoy speaking with? Can I set up a time to meet them and catch up?

Remember, my friend, these are just my thoughts. Some of it may make sense to you, some of it might seem like poppycock. Take what works for you and leave the rest.

Good luck!

Until you get some self-confidence, don't do anything.

Know this: God loves you so much that He sent His Only Begotten Son to earth via a virgin birth to save sinners like you and me. If God thinks you are worthy of His love, maybe you should think of yourself as something of some value.

Work on getting to know Jesus and His love and what He did for you. You may never need to worry about love again.