Why do SOME single mothers refuse to have kids with their "husbands"?

Question

SOME single mothers who marry single and childless men often decide to NOT have children with them.

This becomes a point of contention because these mothers made pre-marital promises to their childless mates that they would bear a child of their own, especially for him (having no child of his own). It seems that the "empty" promises or lies that were told to these men were part of a plan to secure a provider for "her family". The bamboozled husband is denied the opportunity to father his own child (unless he divorces his wife or simply cheats on her to get another woman pregnant - both choices are bad).

The irony of this situation is the fact that the husband has displayed his intention of "sticking around" to help his wife to raise her kids (instead of abandoning them like the alleged "baby daddies"). So she CHOSE to bear kids with neglectful deadbeats, but REFUSE to have any with a committed husband.

1.) Why would a single mother choose to deceive her husband about bearing a child with him when she already knows that she isn't willing?

2.) Does a mother in this expect for her husband to stay with her after she has deceived him and refuse to bear his child?

3.) In your opinion, what should a deceived husband do as a result of his wife's actions: stay or go?

Thank you for your opinion.

? · Accepted Answer

Some single mums marry to give their kids a father figure and the sex that comes along with it some of them are just generally bad at life choices they are thinking about the wedding dress and the ring but not what they are committing to. Some single mums think they want a baby but then after the marriage reality kicks in and they realise this is not what they want. These situations affect women who don't have kids as well as single mums. If you don't want to have a baby and your husband does then you need to sit down and talk about if the marriage will work It is completely the husbands decision whether he wants to stay married or not some men really want kids of their own and it is not right to trap them in a marriage where they are not feeling happy and fulfilled If the single mum tried to trap the man intentionally then he has every right to leave

Anonymous · Answer

I have no idea to be honest. When I married my husband almost 15 years ago, I had a 2 year old from a previous marriage (my 1st husband died before I found out that I was pregnant). I went on to have 3 more children with my husband (love of m life).

Edit: I should also add that my husband legally adopted my oldest child as well.

? · Answer

I'm not sure why you are singling out "single mothers".  Women or men with or without kids can certainly make false promises and it's one of the reasons people get divorced.  Some people change their minds and screw over their spouse.  Some people find out they are physically not able to have kids, but do not want to adopt.  Not good, but that's life.  That's why divorces exist.

Mary · Answer

Remind her of her "promise" of having more babies with the husband. Ask her what changed her mind. How does she explain away the deceit? I can see where a woman wouldn't want more kids after having a few baby daddies. How about adopting her kids? Then they would be yours. If a child of your loins is imperative, leave and find a woman who wants to be the mother of your children.

Katherine W · Answer

If it's important to the man to have his own biological children, then he goes. It's pretty hard to overcome deceit in a marriage, and if he feels deceived he can ask her to go through therapy. If she won't go, he should go alone to figure out what to do.

It's a terrible thing to do to the kids involved, but if he genuinely feels that she lied, then he should leave.

Why would she deceive this man? Maybe she feels overwhelmed by the child/children she has now and doesn't want more. Maybe she sees him as a child himself, someone who doesn't help with housework or the hard work of raising kids, someone who just wants to play video games. Maybe she feels deceived too.

Maybe she does expect him to stay or maybe she would be relieved to see him go.

Liz · Answer

This issue is not limited to women who have children from a previous relationship.  In my opinion, anytime a person (man or woman) who changes his or her mind about having kids after they're married, it's a dealbreaker if they agreed to kids before getting married.

Anonymous · Answer

Cuz it's  invariably the woman who gets stuck with 99% of child care. thereby trapping her as profoundly as if she were sentenced to prison for 18 years...and seriously limiting her options once the kid is out on it's own.  Would YOU go for that?  I don't think so...

boj · Answer

So sorry this is happening to you. I had 3 kids from previous marriage & current husband thought the same about me. We moved out of state shortly after marriage & I was more focused on securing work & kids schooling than having a baby. Did I ever give him kids, Yes, 3 sons.

1) You said it, to secure a financial future for herself/children & to have a loving father for her kids
2) Yes she does, she thinks hes supposed to accept her kids as his own & forget about his own desires. 
3) If having his own child(ren) is more important than his marriage, he should file for an annulment on the grounds of fraud (she was misleading about bearing him children).  If it were me I would leave her.

Anonymous · Answer

Some people think they want kids and later change their mind (whether they already have kids or not). Nobody should have kids they don't want. Any man or woman who wants a child and is with someone who doesn't want children (or more children) is free to leave that relationship and pursue one with someone who also wants kids.

SImple.

Mel · Answer

She has kids of her own and maybe never really wanted more kids and just agreed to it to keep you in her life.

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Why do SOME single mothers refuse to have kids with their "husbands"?

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