Divorce Question: What do you tell the kids in this particular situation?

The "reasons" for divorce are that Mommy and Daddy love their kids unconditionally and forever but that Mommy and Daddy do not want to live with each other anymore and that will also not change. Period. Little children need to know NOTHING else. What Mommy or Daddy did to undermine and destroy their marriage is many years away from being anything the kids ever need to know or try to handle. There is NO reason to burden them with adult idiocy. None. It's not even excusable to put them in that position. Don't break your kids. Don't break your kids.

Otherwise? There are more things involved here than two brothers not going to likely ever get along again in their lives. There is also an extended family here. And family events, family holidays, and the entire concept of family. Unless both brothers are already orphaned... the chances are excellent that there will be serious ramifications for decades to come. Like 3-4 decades.

I've known a woman who did just this. The father was her first husband, the brother was her second husband, some other man was her third.

1. Mommy and Daddy don't get along anymore, so we're not going to live together anymore, but we both love you very much. This is not because of anything you did. Sometimes Moms and Dads need to live apart when they aren't getting along.

2. Don't know. It's really unwise to move in with a new lover immediately after a divorce if children are in the picture, and it's really unwise to get involved with an in-law. That question is best left up to a professional counselor.

3. Daddy loves you very much, and so do I. Daddy and I are going to work together to make sure you can spend time with both of us. You will always be safe and loved.

You have no chance of custody. Really, if you insist on living with their uncle, you may be stuck with very limited visitation, so talk to a lawyer before making that decision.

1) She says she got married too early and wasn't ready for the responsibility of being a wife. She does not in any way attempt to blame the father, unless she wants her children to absolutely hate her down the road.

2) If she forces them into that situation, she should tell them she is trying to get to know him better and that they care for each other. If they ask about daddy's feelings, she apologizes for hurting them and their daddy. Anything else will be a death sentence once they are old enough to understand the situation for themselves.

3) She tells them she is sorry for hurting their father. Period. Any attempt to blame him for the affair or the divorce will backfire later. I saw this happen with my sister and her kids. Her husband was very abusive, but they broke up because she cheated and she tried to make him the villain. Her daughters are older teens and barely speak to her. Question #1? "If he was so abusive, why did you leave us with him?"

Nightmare all round.

I mean it's the one thing you just don't do!!!!!

If you do it, you'll be chastised and hated by both sides of the family.

Which is fine, that you can deal with!

But quite how you tell your kids about the reason why uncle is prefferred over dad.....THAT'S the one that'll cause the trouble!!

The children are quite young. And as such, incredibly adaptable!

They'll cope, make adjustments and continue to grow.

But everyday they grow. They'll get wiser to relationships. They'll talk with friends and doubtless, their friends families! All the time clouding their ideas of who you all are.

And once the teen years hit, the. Amongst all the growth and hormonal aggro. You are seriously going to get all kinds of stuff thrown at you!

Not all of it logical !! But they'll feel justifiable.

Quite how that affects their relationship with ANYONE in the family.....time will tell. But I would prepare for some tough times ahead.

Assuming the husband/kids dad was a stand up guy

The mother has done enough damage

she SHOULD do the right thing by the kids and let them be with their dad

she has wrecked her family already, now she wants to drag them through it now as well

she is free to say she wants to be with uncle xxxx, and that she will see them twice a week

but she shouldnt get custody and make uncle the new stepdad

Tell the kids to say goodbye to Uncle Bob because he will be dead very soon .

....next time, on Jerry Springer!