Is this a GREAT start to a novel about survival on the briny seas.?

Question

Ernie was a man who fished. Dogfishes, Catfishes, even Fishfishes - Ernie could catch them all. The briny seas is where the fishes called home. Beneath the waves they would scour at mankind and contemplate a life free from dangers like Ernie. One day Ernie decided he would go fishing. Beneath the crystal waves he would find respite from a life so devoid of catching fish lately. Little did Ernie know his Nemesis awaited him in those murky depths. A fish so gallant and blubbery it demanded respect from huge and tiny fishes alike. A fish who could swim at 200 mph and could walk upright like a man. A fish named Knight Rider.

paul s · Answer

No, it isn't.  You need conflict.  you told us what's going to happen.  Try rewriting it with the reader in mind.

Marli · Answer

"scour"?  I think you meant "scowl".

It's your first draft attempt, right?  It needs work.

1) You moved the viewpoint from Ernie to the fish in the second and third sentences.
2) "Fishfishes"?  "so gallant and blubbery" ? Are you striving for humour?  Don't make it silly if you don't intend to write a silly story.  If you do intend to, well ... it might work.
3) "Beneath the crystal waves he would find respite from a life so devoid of catching fish lately."  Yes, catching fish would break his bad record of not catching them, but has his life been so "devoid"  His "life"?  All his time since his birth?  And then you say "lately".  
4) And there's a bit of purple and cliche about "crystal waves" and "murky depths" Again, don't be satiric or silly unless that's your intention.
5) Knight Rider Enterprises might have the patent or whatever on the name.  And what is the fish riding?  How can a fish ride?  How can a fish walk?

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Is this a GREAT start to a novel about survival on the briny seas.?

2 Answers