Why do cliff bars make me feel so good? Energy to work, like coffee. Are they habit forming if I have like 2 every day, and work out?

Good question, James. As an unemployed amateur documentary filmmaker, I know a scoop when I see one. Your question is a matter of public concern, and I knew that finding the answer could improve countless lives. So I took a trip to the official Clif® Bar twitter account, and what I found shocked me to my very core.

On the surface, @ClifBar seems like any other brand twitter account vying for relevance. But like the new Clif® brand Home-Style Parfait & Onion Slurry flavored bar, it had thick, greasy layers to it. As I scrolled deeper and deeper, I began to notice a disturbing trend. Throughout the videos that festooned the page, there was an almost fanatical devotion to Clif® bars that verged on obsession. In one, a group of squirrels drop their nuts - a food item that squirrels are notoriously fond of - in order to pursue a hapless camper eating a Clif bar. Perhaps "habit forming" is putting it lightly.

Still processing what I had seen, I decided my next stop would be the amazon store page for a Clif bar variety pack. An irate user claiming to be a physician had a bleak tale to tell: "I called the company to ask where the original ingredients come from. The receptionist initially told me that everything they make comes from the US. Her tone of voice was shaky so I asked if she was sure. She then transferred me to the customer service manager who then admitted their ingredients are from 'international' sources. When I asked exactly where, she said 'I can't disclose that information.' Read up on so called Whole Foods 'organic products from China. They are full of toxic chemicals."

As an aside, if I found out my physician was leaving scathing reviews of Clif bars in her spare time, she would find herself slammed with a malpractice lawsuit faster than she could say "Chocolate Chip Peanut Crunch." But the outlook for the Clif Corporation gets gloomier still when Amazon user "Nicholas" responds to the above comment: "Thanks, I appreciate the comment. Not gonna lie, I hate china. Their air and waterways are so toxic... you might as well be putting poison in your mouth." And I think it's safe to say no one wants to put poison in their mouth.

In conclusion, everything comes at a cost. There's no such thing as a free lunch, unless you enter and win Clif's "Free Lunch Giveaway," running from October 2-23. Clif® Bars may be delicious and contain more energy per gram than a car battery, but until Clif releases the data on the quantities of poison and squirrel pheromones contained within, I cannot in good conscience recommend them to anyone.

Disclaimer: this Yahoo Answer was partially sponsored by the Clif® Corporation, who stipulated only that I must describe their product as "delicious." I live a naturally sedentary lifestyle (like a sea cucumber), so I have never needed to eat a Clif® Bar.