Is there a "pizza" restaurant near whee you live? Have you investigated it yet to make sure it is not part of the child sex ring?

Not yet, I'm still working on investigating all the coffee shops, but I'll see if I can get to those next.

Being paranoid is a tiresome profession. I've had to quit my day job just so I can devote all my time to doing in-depth investigations of every single person and business I come in contact with, just in case they might be engaged in something shady.

But I did investigate pizza places in the last place I lived, and I uncovered a massive conspiracy in which a certain chain (which shall remain nameless for your own protection) was putting an average of one fewer slice of pepperoni on their pizzas than their competitors were. It was seriously messed up. I could hardly believe that such vile acts were being committed in my own neighborhood.

[end sarcasm]

Nope, no pizza restaurants nearby. And I rarely eat pizza.

Yes, and it's not child sex.

Yes there is, and it is not a child sex ring.

Yes and no.