Why should I hire you?

You shouldn't.

My abilities are proven. I will produce and impress.

In the case that they are not or I cannot, given the requirements of the job in question, then, at this point, I'm probably not applying.

because you have confidence that I can do the job you want done

Because I know more than you do about my field, but won't make you feel stupid.

My positive attitude towards all things and this not only includes the job I do but also towards my colleagues and people around me. I believe having a happy environment to work in will increase my efficiency and effectiveness at getting my task done right and on time!

I need a weekly paycheck and I have automatic depositing privileges you can use.

Because I work hard. I don't give a damn about your clichés or professionalism. You want the job done? Hire me. If not, stop wasting my time.

Because I'm always on time. I never miss work unless I am sick or have a death in my family. And, I give 100% on my job!!

because I'm hot

just ebecause