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Am I neglected too? What do I do about it?
I just answered a question from a husband whose wife complained she felt neglected, and I'm already feeling neglected and saw a lot of similarities between this poster and my husband. The thing is, I'm even worse off.
My husband works 6 days a week, I'm in charge of 3 kids. We hadn't been on a date in 10 years and he just took me to a concert two months ago. We never have sex anymore, it's been a couple weeks, even though he keeps telling me he has
sexual dreams about us. He's affectionate. But after he kisses me home from work, he goes to his man cave and watches tv until I call him up for dinner. Then he's back down to his man cave until bedtime. In the meantime I'm bathing the kids and watching cartoons until bedtime. He doesn't watch tv with them or read to them or do anything on an average night except watch them in the yard from the deck while vaping while I'm cleaning up from dinner.
Our teenage daughter has anxiety and told her
psychologist, and me, that he doesn't care because he spends no time with her at all. He doesn't ask how any of the kids do in school. He will ask if someone is sick, if they've gotten better or what, but he doesn't show the boys how to ride a bike without training wheels or how to hit a baseball. I did all of that with our children.
I've talked to him about it over the years to no avail, and right now I'm considering what to do. He acts completelu clueless like there's no problem. He literally
works, mows the lawn once every week or two, sleeps until noon on his day off (usually up at 6 am workdays) and watches tv. He will take the boys swimming at the neighbor's once or twice a week, and feels really put upon to have to do that. He forgot our anniversary this year. He's never given me anything me mother's day, but at my daughter's suggestion takes me out to eat, never makes reservations. Has forgotten my birthday tons of times, or just gives me a card, never cake, never a gift.
2 Answers
- 4 years ago
I'm in a very similar situation but I'm a male. It's hard to find someone to talk to about it. It's tough on me and the kids. red_lover73@yahoo
- .Lv 74 years ago
I wonder if that's how his parent's marriage was. He doesn't sound like a bad guy, but someone who was raised in a family where quality time wasn't a priority, and where the kids the mom's responsibility, and dad's responsibility was to provide for the family. If you've tried to change things and it doesn't work, then how things are now is what you should expect for the future. He's just not a 'family guy'.
Are you neglected? Only you can decide if you feel neglected or not. You've been together a lot of years, and of course couldn't know how he'd behave toward kids until after you two had some (since he didn't already have any for you to observe his behavior toward).