17 trapped in my mind and need help immediately I will tell my story And you'll give me your finest advice?

Ever since I turned 16 my life has changed a lot I used to not mind life at all I never had a care in the world I was just a typical teen with no greater purpose in life

But once I hit the age 16 I came to an odd realization a change happened deep inside my mind and I wasnt like my old self at all I thought it was because I fell in love and was in a huge pool of despair for a soul mate this early In life .

I never had close friends never had a bestfriend

i always tagged along with my siblings cousin's family friends

I hated feeling like I was alone and I was so lonely I had to hang out with my cousin's friends or aunts friends i never had my own

I let this issue bother me to the point I broke relationships with my family and cousin's and siblings

I ruined everything I had

I ran away from home abused drugs because of depression and helplessness it caused me to get arrested and chased by helicopters for climbing on roofs because of loneliness it embaresses the hell out of me to even think of this stuff I've done over being so alone and lost

I was booked for a boot camp and i lived there for about 2 months until me and a another person decided to break out a run for it and ofcourse the seargents caught us and kicked me out of the program I was ashamed of my decision of running away from structure and help and had to go back to living with my parents